No need to hide

Before Evelyn was born, I knew that I would breastfeed. In fact, I knew that I would nurse my baby until she was ready to wean and I hoped to make it at least to the two year mark, as recommended by the World Health Organization. I also knew that unless we hid inside the house all day, I would nurse in public. She is a summer baby, so although I tried a nursing cover once or twice, it was clear from her sweaty little head that it was jut too hot to essentially put her inside a "tent" while she ate. The backseat of the car was much to stuffy to sit and nurse without the engine-- and air conditioning-- running. So I stopped trying to hide and by the time Evelyn was 6 weeks old, I finally realized that 99% of the time, no one batted an eyelash when we nursed in public. I didn't use nursing covers or blankets (unless, as Evelyn got older, she was too distracted by her surroundings to nurse).

We live in a pretty baby-friendly and nursing-friendly part of the country. Nevertheless, the few times that someone has offered to help me "make myself more comfortable" while nursing, I inevitably felt uncomfortable. Good intentions can result in mixed messages. When Evelyn was two months old, for instance, I was shopping in an upscale kitchen store for a gift. She became fussy and I looked for a place to nurse. I wasn't yet fluent in the language of nursing while walking around with my babe in a sling. A sweet saleswoman offered the chair in the test kitchen and I settled in and nursed my daughter. I remember smiling to myself and thinking that this was such a great shop, very baby-friendly, when suddenly I felt a damp cloth on my shoulder. The saleswoman had returned with a dishtowel so that I could "make myself more comfortable." Far from comfortable, I was grossed out by the towel and I felt slightly self-conscious. I was really too shocked to respond with anything more than a forced smile.

Evelyn is now 23 1/2 months old and we have nursed on a ferry, on airplanes, and in terminals. We've nursed in backseats of cars and on the grass at the playground. Cafes, restaurants, ice cream shops, movie theaters, Church, office buildings . . . if she was hungry or needed special comfort because she was hurt or tired or just wanted some comfort, I did what I hope any mother would do. I responded in a loving way. I nursed my little girl.

Now that Henry is here, I am again spending much of time with a babe at the breast. I am more confident this time around and I try to keep things in perspective. I am well aware that the world does not revolve around me. When I walk out the door in the morning, I don't expect neighbors or passers by to stop and gawk at me-- an occasional friendly smile or a "good morning" is much more likely. This is generally the case when I am out in public with my children. I don't expect to be confronted about nursing. I go about my day. I mother my babies.

Post-partum adventures

A couple of days ago, I was washing my hair and I accidentally used face wash instead of conditioner. I realized my mistake, laughed a little because I was so tired and then did it again. The third time was a charm and I located the actual conditioner. Where am I going with this? Ah, yes-- fatigue. It's really not bad most of the time but sometimes a wave of sleepiness just comes crashing up against me. Fortunately, I am able to take a decent nap most afternoons. This comes in handy because I'm usually awake several times at night with Henry. Henry is a sweet, relaxed newborn and he's still a little guy so we nurse frequently. His stomach is only the size of a large walnut, so I can hardly blame him for feeling hungry an hour after eating. One of the fabulous things about co-sleeping is that I don't have to leave the comfort of my bed to nurse my baby at night-- this makes it much easier to fall back asleep.*

I have to say that the occasional new baby fatigue is still not as strong as the "pregnant and taking care of a busy toddler" fatigue. Perhaps this will change a little when Chris is 100% back at work, so I'll knock on wood as I admit that I feel wonderful most of the time (even if my body is still a little sore . . . something about a nine-pound baby born twelve days ago).

I am working on a gift for my midwives-- who have been fantastic throughout both of my pregnancies and births. Any ideas besides flowers?

*Other benefits of co-sleeping can be found here.

A family of four

This evening marked our second outing as a family of four. It was much longer than our first-- almost four hours. Henry and I took a little nap before we left (while Evelyn and Chris played with bubbles, had some snack, and watched an episode of Thomas the Tank Engine), so I felt pretty energized. I needed to pick up a few items at a maternity shop and Henry was happily sleeping in his car seat, so Chris and Evelyn stayed in the car with Henry while I ran into the store for about fifteen minutes. It was actually quite nice to do something by myself outside of the house! We headed to dinner next.

Evelyn chose an Indian restaurant (it was a choice between Thai, Mexican, and Indian since each of these options involves gluten-free friendly foods and rice, which Evelyn adores). She and Chris played at a kids' outdoor music play area and rode the escalator while I changed Henry and settled him into the Moby wrap. He slept through almost all of dinner and I was able to help him latch on and nurse while we paid the bill. He nursed as we walked over to the ice cream shop. Evelyn and I split a dish of ice cream and I think she helped Chris finish his as well. She was quite a happy girl! I was amazed at how well our evening was going. I was getting a little sore from all of the walking and the stairs, but in general, we were all having a great time.

Unfortunately, Henry was pretty wide awake by the time we were ready to leave. Wide awake Henry, it turns out, does not enjoy being strapped into the car seat. Evelyn didn't like it either when she was a baby. We ended up nursing in the car for about fifteen minutes, having another diaper change, nursing some more and then finally deciding to just head home. It seems that the days of hopping into the car and making a speedy exit have once again disappeared for a while. We made it home pretty late, certainly after Evelyn's usual bedtime. She took it all in stride; I think she was just thrilled to be out together as a family. I am so proud of how well Evelyn is adjusting to her new brother.


Bubbles!


Out to dinner.

Snapshot: Sleepy newborn

Hooray! Henry is one week old!

Henry is one week old today! Here's a glimpse at what our morning looked like:

Lactogenesis II: let's talk about nursing!

It sounds like a thrilling science fiction movie, but really Lactogenesis II is once again at the center of my days (and nights). One of the many benefits of extending breastfeeding is that I had plenty of colostrum and even a little milk before Henry was born. As was the case when Evelyn was a newborn, my body is making a ton of milk. Henry is a very satisfied newborn and my body is left with copious amounts of milk after each nursing session. This milk production will self-regulate soon. It often regulates quite a bit within a matter of days, but based on past experience, I expect it to take up to a couple of weeks.

This time around, I know that I shouldn't pump to empty the breast after the baby has had his fill as that just signals my body to continue making such large amounts of milk (and therefore, the engorgement continues for a much longer period of time). I have pumped a couple of times just to bring a little relief, but only for about two minutes. My freezer already has a few little bags of breast milk tucked in the back. I'm looking forward to the "maintenance" stage of milk supply, as it's just more comfortable but I have to say that I am so grateful and amazed that our bodies are designed to sustain our little ones. I was so proud when I looked at Evelyn, plump and healthy at six months when all of her nutrition came from me-- and even at a year when the majority of her calories were still from breast milk. Now, as Evelyn says, "it's Henry's turn to Mama-nurse!"

Sister and brother

Baby Henry, day four

By 6:00 this evening, Henry will be four days old. Henry is the sweetest baby and I am enjoying his precious "quiet, awake and alert" moments. His little lips form an "O" shape and his eyes get wide and he looks straight into my eyes. It's pure magic, really. I've only heard his little cry two or three times, and only for about a minute, but it was pretty adorable. Right now, he spends most of his time making sweet facial expressions, sleeping next to me in bed, and nursing. Aside from the lack of consecutive hours of sleep, (which, to be honest, isn't the end of the world as Evelyn already taught me how to function on broken sleep), after pain, and engorgement, I have never felt better. I was unprepared for how absolutely happy I would feel after Henry's birth. I'm not shell-shocked or totally overwhelmed the way I was when Evelyn was born. I feel more relaxed and I'm able to just enjoy being in love with this sweet little boy.

Evelyn is doing really well in terms of adjusting to a new family member who occupies most of Mama's time. I am so glad that we gradually shifted our routines during my pregnancy so that Evelyn's bedtime and breakfast revolve around Chris. These are times when Henry and I are either nursing or catching an hour or two of sleep. Chris has been taking Evelyn out for special morning trips: gymnatics, the library, and the farm. She is already a loving sister. She likes to know what Henry is up to and if he's ready to nurse again. She's also very interested in keeping him bundled up in blankets and hats. We've also discovered that asking Evelyn to show Henry how to brush teeth/ take a bath/ eat dinner is a great way to encourage her to do the things she needs to and still feel connected to her baby brother. Henry plays the role of "eager spectator" very well . . . even if his eyes are usually closed. I "talk" for him and Evelyn seems to like that.

We have also had post-partum help from our doula a couple of afternoons this week and it has worked out very well! I love our doula and trust her completely (she was, after all, present and supportive during the births of both of my children). I am able to rest with Henry, Chris is able to rest a little, and Evelyn gets loads of attention from someone who is engaged and energetic. Our doula has a lot of experience and training in pregnancy, birth, and post-partum support, so I can ask her questions about almost anything that comes up. She has also been keeping up with the laundry and dishwasher which is a huge help! Especially because our families are on the opposite coast, it has been a sanity-saver to have a little help these first couple of days while my body recuperates and we get into our groove as a family of four.

Snapshot: Two days old

With my own two hands

Henry is here! He was born safe and sound at home and I was able to help catch him and pick him up immediately. Henry is exactly nine pounds and twenty-one inches long. He is slightly heavier than Evelyn was, but the same length. Labor and birth were absolutely beautiful and perfect-- less than half of the time I spent laboring with Evelyn. It was still very hard work, but I felt great after his birth and didn't have any complications at all.

From start to finish (start meaning that contractions are still pretty manageable and 10 minutes apart), I had a twelve hour labor. Evelyn went to stay with a friend at about 1:00pm, after she had a nice nap. I think that my body was holding off until I knew that Evelyn was safe and secure with our friends so I could focus completely on labor. Things didn't shift into "high gear" (two to three minutes apart, much stronger) until about 3:00pm. Our doula came over to our house at that point and our midwife and her assistant joined us somewhere close to 5:00pm. Henry was born at 6:00pm. He latched on right away and is content to nurse or sleep next to Mama while swaddled in a soft blanket.

Evelyn came back to join us about two and a half hours later and she was very excited to meet her baby brother. She exclaimed, "Oh! It's Henry! He's out of Mama's belly. It's my baby brother!" Chris took some excellent video of Evelyn remarking over Henry's eyes, nose, mouth, chin, ears, blanket, and "tiny little hat." I helped Evelyn hold her brother. She was very excited about him and had a hard time leaving our bedroom, but Chris settled her to sleep pretty quickly.



Speaking of sleep, Henry is asleep right now and Chris has taken Evelyn out for a "big sister trip" (she has a lot of energy and is still learning about body awareness near the newborn, so we thought a little break would be nice). I think I'll try to sleep a bit, too.

Snapshot: 40 weeks

Today is my due date, so a bite-sized gluten-free brownie didn't seem out of place at 8:00 AM along with my breakfast. In fact, I've decided that today can be my day to indulge a little. I've been quite diligent in eating mostly whole, organic foods throughout this pregnancy so I don't feel bad about slacking off a bit now.

This photo was actually taken yesterday, but let's just call it 40 weeks. Also, it's not a side-profile shot. In honor of reaching the 40 week mark, I have decided that I just don't feel like posting one of those today. This decision may or may not be influenced by the masses of people emerging from the woodwork to let me know that I look uncomfortable, ready to pop, finished, etc. . . . Kind strangers, I thank you for your concern, but no I am not smuggling watermelons. I am not carrying twins. And, may I add that it is not really a compliment to tell someone you're surprised that she isn't swollen and her face still looks great. Haha. That little tidbit was quite funny, but mostly because it's such a strange thing to say to a complete stranger.

Quality time

Baby-on-board is "due" in just a few days, so my days as a mother of one are coming to a close. I have been stepping up my efforts (fatigue be darned!) to spend quality time with Evelyn. I know that especially in the first days and weeks after her brother is born I will not necessarily be giving her my 100% best. Thank goodness for wonderful fathers-- I know Evie will get plenty of attention and loving. Still, I want to have fun with my favorite girl. So far this week, Evie and I have done a lot of creative play at home (playing "grocery store" is a huge hit!) and we have spent several hours each day outside.

Evelyn loves to explore, help me weed the garden, look for birds, and dig in the dirt. She also adores going to playgrounds. We've been to three in the last two days! Evelyn happily climbed all of the steps and went down the tall and twisty slides. She enjoyed the swings. This afternoon, she came upon a miniature mud pond of sorts at the park and entertained herself by digging into the murky water with a stick. I was thrilled to see her playing independently, even if she emerged from the play time without one of her shoes and speckled with mud!

Snapshot: I've got pockets!

Snapshot: 39 weeks

I almost didn't post a photo for this week. The very end of pregnancy seems to be defined by the ill-fitting and ever-dwindling supply of maternity clothes one is forced to wear in public. To be fair, I still several relatively cute shirts but this photo was taken on a hike and so I wasn't exactly dressing for style.

The main reason for posting these pregnancy photos fairly regularly (aside from sharing this pregnancy with family and friends spread across the country) is to be able to look back at them and remember this pregnancy. I know there will come a time when I will miss the little kicks and wiggles. I am also optimistic that these late pregnancy photos will come in handy when I am a few weeks postpartum. I was shocked at how slim I felt after Evelyn was born. This isn't to say that I was slim. Compared to the "before" (end of pregnancy) shot, however, the postpartum period can actually feel beautiful.

A lovely birthday

Today was absolutely lovely, for a number of reasons. First, I woke up feeling rested for the first time in months-- thank you, Evelyn! Second, the Seattle area was blessed with beautiful blue skies and a seventy degree day. The rest of the day's details were simply icing on the (birthday) cake. It wasn't a particularly momentous number this year, I'm still a twenty-something gal. But this was one of my best adult birthdays.

Evelyn happily wished me "Happy Birthday!" a number of times throughout the day and she drew me a birthday card. Our whole family enjoyed a long walk through the neighborhood and some of the trails. One neighbor found it necessary to let me know how "uncomfortable" I looked and asked if I was due very soon. We just smiled and nodded and kept walking. While Evelyn napped, I went for a pedicure and read more of the novel I'm currently reading. Chris and I left Evelyn at home with her favorite babysitter and went out to one of my favorite local restaurants for a leisurely dinner. We drove along the lake, just enjoying some good conversation. We ended the evening with dessert, cuddles from a very happy toddler, and a quiet house.

I think we are definitely ready for Baby-on-board to join us. I'm feeling pretty relaxed and refreshed!

Introducing the concept of time

It was probably a mistake to tell Evelyn that Mimi was coming soon. Time is quite an abstract concept, especially for a little girl who is not quite two years old. If Evelyn hears the garage door open or the front door close, she scampers over and asks "Mimi?" I then explain that Mimi will come after baby brother is born-- also a pretty vague concept. Evelyn accepts that answer. One thing is for sure, when she does arrive, Mimi will be greeted by a very eager little girl and a "big, big kiss."