Introducing . . .

Now that she is almost three, Evelyn has reached the rank of pet owner.  A couple of days ago, I took the kids to a pet shop so that Evelyn could choose a fish.  I tried to really "talk up" the beta fish-- they were all packaged to go in small glass bowls and looked very low-maintenance.  She was unimpressed by their solitude.  Evelyn decided on a fancy goldfish with a white body and orange face.  We chose a nice little tank with a filter and Evelyn picked out colorful rocks (blue, like the ocean) and artificial plants.  She also added a miniature eiffel tour, but only because none of the castles would fit in our tank. 

Dorothy, or-- as I am inclined to say-- Dotty, is everything I can handle in a pet.  She is silent, easily contained, and brings joy and pride to my little girl.  Score!  Evelyn gets to feed her pet and turn on and off her light at various times of the day.  Evie also talks to Dorothy and shows off her art projects.  Perhaps the best thing about goldfish is that they are fantastic listeners.  And Evelyn certainly has a lot to say.

A shark!  No, it's just Henry, hoping for some goldfish action.

Deprivation is the Root of Creativity

Ever since reading a book in which Angelina Ballerina goes backpacking into the mountains, Evelyn has been obsessed with backpacks.  She does not, however, own an actual backpack.  This is no problem for Evelyn.  She dumps our recyclable papers out of Whole Foods paper bags and swings the paper bag by the handles, up over her head and onto each arm.  Presto-- it's an instant backpack!  I was considering getting a little backpack for her this Easter, but it's been such fun to see her use paper bags, baskets, and whatever else is laying around.  I think a little benign deprivation is a good thing!

Music time!

Learning to cook ONE meal

In our family, we have a few challenges when it comes to meal times.  I need to eat foods that are gluten-free, yeast-free, and egg-free and my husband is a vegetarian.  Our daughter is nearly two and half.  While she is willing to at least try an array of foods, she is happiest when we stick with foods she is most familiar with:  chicken, tofu, broccoli, cheeses, yogurt, gluten-free bread, nut butters, and rice.  It can be tricky to come up with just one meal for dinner.  It has been even more difficult, however, to prepare two or three meals for dinner and I've decided that a multi-meal operation is just too stressful.

Pad Thai (before I poured it over the rice noodles).

So far, I've tried two recipes that fit our needs and they've both turned out quite well!  One of my favorite take-out treats is Pad Thai, so I was eager to attempt this dish.  The recipe I used is from The Gluten Free Vegan by Susan O'Brien.  The second recipe was actually a more surprising success.  I made yam and black bean burritos.  Here is the recipe:

"J&J's Favorite Yam and Black Bean Burritos"
Ingredients:
2 large yams
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 cup chopped onion
2 tablespoons seeded and chopped red bell pepper (roasted, if you like)
1 small jalapeno, diced (I omitted this because I didn't have any on hand)
2 cloves garlic, chopped
1 cup seeded and diced tomato
1 cup tomato salsa
1 teaspoon chile powder
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 (15-ounce) can organic black beans, drained and rinsed
2/3 cup chopped fresh cilantro
2 tablespoons lime juice
1/2 teaspoon salt (coarse kosher)
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
8 rice or hemp tortillas
guacamole (optional)

I baked the yams in the oven at 450 degrees for about 45 minutes, but I think they would have been fine after even 30 minutes.  While the yams bake, heat a large skillet over medium-high heat and saute the onion in the olive oil until soft, 3 to 4 minutes.  Add the red bell pepper and jalapeno, and continue sauteing for another 3 to 4 minutes, or until the pepper becomes soft.  (I found that 3 minutes was plenty of time).  Add the garlic and cook for 1 minute.  Peel the yams, cut into cubes, and add to the vegetable mixture.  Add the tomatoes, salsa, spices, black beans, cilantro and lime juice.  Heath through.  Season with plenty of freshly ground pepper and coarse kosher salt.  Heat the tortillas and fill with the mixture.  I used soft corn tortillas instead of rice ones, though my husband didn't care for them so I'll likely use rice tortillas next time.  I served this with rice.

Balance

As a mother, I find that I tend to invest in relationships and activities that I think will be most beneficial to my children and my whole family.  Because my children are important to me, I also tend to be pretty choosy about these relationships and activities.  For our family, an Attachment Parenting group, a neighborhood Mom's Network, and a Toddler Group Co-op have made the cut.

Lately, Evelyn has become enamored by the concept of "home."  She is proud of our house and she loves to recognize the landmarks nearby:  "Here is the farm!"  "This is our street."  "I see our house"  "That's my house!"  She enjoys playing at home or having a friend come over to play.  She loves playing outside with neighbors.  At least half of the time I ask, Evelyn prefers staying at home to going out.  I am choosing to honor her need to be at home.  She creates entire worlds, complete with casts of characters.  She builds cities, draws abstract art, plays trains, and helps cook.

For his part, Henry is happy to be along for the ride, as long as it isn't a car ride.  He is scooting himself around and learning to "army crawl."  Henry loves to be held, to be nursed, and to have an object to feel (or taste, as the case may be).  So, given the needs of my children, we stay home a lot.  If we do go out, we keep the car rides short.

I am realizing, though, that I need to get out more.  It's important to remember that balance is good for every member of the family-- even the parents.  No, this doesn't mean I drag my children out for a forty minute car ride on a whim.  It does mean that I make it a priority to go out to dinner with my husband or to the book store by myself or maybe even to meet a friend for coffee.  Yes, the children are only this little once.  I don't want to take away from my time with them, but I also don't want to be a burned-out lady on auto-pilot.  I want to be fully present and fully myself, and that means putting Mama on the list.

What do you think?

I have a style conundrum.  Evelyn's rain boots finally cracked, literally, under the pressure of almost daily wear for one year.  Now, call me an idealist but I hoped that her boots would remain in wearable condition until she outgrew them.  Unfortunately, it seems that they were designed to be adorable and reasonably functional but they were just no match for my adventurous toddler.  I decided to order a new pair of boots, this time from the same company that made the snow boots I bought for Evelyn.  The construction is wonderful and the reviews are consistently high.  

Evelyn chose yellow boots (though I was hoping she'd pick the hot pink or bright red ones because they looked pretty fun).  It occurred to me that Evelyn does not go tromping off into barnyard muck or nature trails by herself.  I am always with her, tip-toeing around the puddles in my ballet flats-- or if I am feeling especially prepared, my hiking boots.  I ordered a pair of rain boots for myself.  Now, I can't decide whether or not to keep the boots.  They're comfortable, but I am not sure if I will actually wear them.  Why wouldn't I wear them?  Well, I had imagined that my jeans would fit nicely inside the boots, so as to keep them dry while we traipse over soggy grass and mushy downed-trees.  Unfortunately (or fortunately?), the boots were designed to fit snugly at the top-- probably to seal out moisture.  Chris suggested that I roll my pants a bit to keep them dry, but I am not convinced that this method won't leave me looking a bit ridiculous.  What do you do (if you are apt to take walks in wet conditions or through the woods)? 

  

On an unrelated note, Henry happily posed for the camera this evening before forgetting all about the photo shoot in favor of studying his hand.   

Let's talk diapers

Welcome to the November Carnival of Natural Parenting: What is natural parenting?

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our Carnival coincides with the launch of Natural Parents Network, a community of parents and parents-to-be who practice or are interested in attachment parenting and natural family living. Join us at Natural Parents Network to be informed, empowered, and inspired!

Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

***

As a home-birthing, exclusive (and extended and tandem) breastfeeding, co-sleeping, babywearing Mama, I feel like I've earned my chops as a natural, attached parent. To be fair, I try to do what works for my family without fanatical devotion to labels. I do generally gravitate toward all that is organic and I try to make ecologically sound decisions. Cloth diapers, rather than disposable ones, seem to come with the territory. To be perfectly honest, the main reason for using cloth in our family was not directly an ecological one. I was thinking primarily of my baby's comfort and health. Have you felt a cloth diaper? Given the choice between spending the first two or more years of life in a crunchy paper and plastic diaper or a super soft cloth one, I thought my babe would prefer the cloth. I also worried about the chemicals inside the disposable diapers-- you know, the magically absorbent gel? When we do turn to disposables, and we sometimes do, we choose the chlorine-free variety. They still contain a hodgepodge of "ingredients," but I just can't stomach the mainstream ones.

Once we decided on cloth diapers, the big question-- which "system" would we use?-- evolved into a journey of sorts. I asked around, I looked in every eco-chic boutique, and eventually we used good, old-fashioned trial-and-error. During the last trimester of my first pregnancy, I set up delivery with a diaper service. Seventy clean cotton prefolds (the workhorses of the diapering world, if you ask me) arrived weekly. I didn't have to deal with very much diaper laundry. Still, because we used Velcro diaper covers, I needed to do an extra load of wash anyway. The diaper washing turned out to be no big deal. When my daughter hit the six-month mark, we took the plunge and canceled the service.

We bought eight colorful pocket diapers (Bum Genius, to be exact). Those trusty dipes stayed with us for over a year, at which point the velcro tabs began to fray just a bit and the fit became a tad tight. We discovered the one-size Fuzzi Bunz diapers (with snaps!). Today, we're back to the diaper service pre-folds and covers (Thirsty's covers are fantastic) for our four-month-old son. The pocket diapers are in rotation as back-ups. As much as I love the pre-folds for newborns, I didn't have luck with them on my daughter when she became a wiggly infant and later a toddler on the go. We plan to stick with them as long as they're convenient with our son before moving to the pockets full time.

In terms of numbers, we operate with about ten pocket diapers and six diapers covers, though we could use a couple more to stretch out the time between washings to more than two days. The bottom line for our family is that we see cloth diapers as the environmentally sound diaper option, but we've stuck with them because they are actually quite practical and convenient (and they're pretty cute, too!).

***

Stop by Natural Parents Network today to see excerpts from everyone's posts, and please visit a few to read more! Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants. Three of the participants below will instead be featured on Natural Parents Network throughout the month, so check back at NPN!

This list will be updated by afternoon November 9 with all the carnival links. We've arranged it this month according to the categories of our NPN resource pages on "What Is Natural Parenting?"

Attachment/Responsive Parenting

Attachment/responsive parenting is generally considered to include the following (descriptions/lists are not exhaustive; please follow each link to learn more):

1. PREPARE FOR PREGNANCY, BIRTH, AND PARENTING:
   
   
   
   • "Preparing for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting" — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes knows better now how to prepare for her second baby, focusing on attachment rather than nursery curtains. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 23. (@sheryljesin)
   
   
   • "Begin at the Beginning" — Alison at BluebirdMama examines the first type of natural parenting she experienced: birthing at home. (@BluebirdMama)
   
   
   
   


2. FEED WITH LOVE AND RESPECT:
   
   
   
   • "Going With the {Tandem Milk} Flow" — Despite being told she would never be able to nurse her toddler through pregnancy, Jessika at Job Description: Mommy successfully nursed through her entire pregnancy, and she continues tandem nursing her two little ones fifteen months later! (@JobDescMommy)
   
   
   • "Breastfeeding with Love and Respect" — Resisting the pressure to give up, breastfeeding was the way Dionna at NursingFreedom.org persisted in nourishing her son. (@NursingFreedom)
   
   
   • "Why Should I Call It Extended?" — Amy at Toddler In Tow provides scientifically based research to support child-led weaning.
   
   
   
   


3. RESPOND WITH SENSITIVITY:
   
   
   
   • "Attachment Parenting Chose Us" — For a child who is born "sensitive," attachment parenting is more a way of life than a parenting "choice." Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares her experiences. (@CodeNameMama)
   
   
   • "Parenting in the Present" — Acacia at Be Present Mama parents naturally by being fully present.
   
   
   • "Parenting With Heart" — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment parents naturally because healthy attachments early in life help our little ones grow into healthy, functioning adults.
   
   
   
   


4. USE NURTURING TOUCH:
   
   
   
   • "Nurturing through touch" — Lauren at Hobo Mama finds that loving touch is a thread that runs through all her natural parenting practices. (@Hobo_Mama)
   
   
   
   


5. ENSURE SAFE SLEEP:
   
   
   
   • "Sometimes I Wish We Coslept" — Sheila at A Gift Universe has started to add cosleeping into her sleep routines and has found frequently unspoken benefits. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 30. (@agiftuniverse)
   
   
   
   


6. PROVIDE CONSISTENT AND LOVING CARE:
   
   
   
   • "Attachment Parenting . . . and Nanny Makes Three?" — When Jen at Grow with Graces first started interviewing nannies, she was looking for practicalities. After a few months with her first nanny, she's going to hire someone new, and this time, she'll make sure the nanny believes in AP principles. (@growwithgraces)
   
   
   • "Do You Have This?" — For Rachael at The Variegated Life, natural parenting is about love and giving, rather than the alienation and longing present in so many in our Western culture. (@RachaelNevins)
   
   
   • "What Natural Parenting Looks Like in Our Family" — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker shares what natural parenting is like as your little ones grow up.
   
   
   
   


7. PRACTICE GENTLE/POSITIVE DISCIPLINE:
   
   
   
   • "Unconditional Parenting" — The philosophy of Alfie Kohn resonates with Erin at Multiple Musings, who does not want to parent (or teach) using rewards and punishment. (@ErinLittle)
   
   
   
   


8. STRIVE FOR BALANCE IN PERSONAL AND FAMILY LIFE:
   
   
   
   • "Reducing Screen Time" — How does Mrs. H. at Fleeting Moments meaningfully connect with her kids every day? She turns off the TV.
   
   
   • Also see our October Carnival all about finding balance!
   
   
   
   

Ecological Responsibility and Love of Nature

• "Healing Through Elimination Communication Part 1" — Amy at Innate Parenting explains how practicing elimination communication has helped her whole family gain awareness and healing in many areas of their lives. (@InnateWholeness)


• "Growing Out of Little Potties" — Stacy at Mama-Om is proud to be the "weird lady" who practices elimination communication with her babies. (@mama_om)


• "Let's Talk Diapers" — Lindsey at Mama Cum Laude started using cloth diapers because she felt they were a safer choice for her child; she stuck with them because they are convenient.

Holistic Health Practices

• "Supporting Natural Immunity" — If you have decided against the traditional vaccination schedule, Starr at Earth Mama has some helpful tips for strengthening your children's immune systems naturally.

Natural Learning

• "Acceptance as a Key to Natural Parenting" — Because Mrs. Green at Little Green Blog values accepting and responding to her daughter's needs, she was able to unravel the mystery of her daughter's learning "challenges." (@myzerowaste)


• "Let Them Look" — Betsy at Honest 2 Betsy makes time to look at, to touch, and to drool on the pinecones.


• "Why I Love Unschooling" — Unschooling isn't just about learning for Darcel at The Mahogany Way — it is a way of life. (@MahoganyWayMama)


• "Is He Already Behind?"Ever worry that your baby or toddler is behind the curve? Danielle at born.in.japan will reassure you about the many ways your little one is learning — naturally — every day. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 16. (@borninjp)


• "How to Help Your Child through Natural Learning" — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now offers tips on how to understand and nurture your child's natural learning style. (@DebChitwood)

Healthy Living

• "What 'Healthy Eating' Means to Me" — Wonder how a family of five makes healthy eating a priority? Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares some common sense tips. (@sunfrog)


• "What is Natural Parenting? Embracing Real Food" — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! has always wanted to give her children the most nutritious foods possible: first through breastfeeding, and later through healthy, whole foods. (@bfmom)

Parenting Philosophies

• "Natural Parenting — Lazy Parenting" — To Olivia at Write About Birth, natural parenting isn't about a fixed set of ideals, but about what is instinctual. (@writeaboutbirth)


• "I'm not the most crunchy, but I'm still au naturel" — Jessica at This is Worthwhile follows her gut and parents with respect, and that's what feels natural to her. (@tisworthwhile)


• "Because Natural comes Naturally" — Breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping — Bess at mommakesmilk does these things because they feel right. (@MumtoEve)


• "What Do You Mean 'Natural Parenting'?" — Luschka at Diary of a First Child fell into natural parenting by listening to her baby and her own instincts. (@lvano)


• "One Little Change at a Time" — Ashley at Domestic Chaos made one small change at a time until "natural parenting" wasn't a punchline, but a way of life. (@ashleympoland)


• "WHY Attachment Parenting?" — While they might take some work to put into practice, Momma Jorje at A Slightly Crunchy Momma finds that all of the tenets of attachment parenting fit her family.


• "Yours, Respectfully" — For Kellie at Our Mindful Life, natural parenting is about being respectful: to yourself, your children, and your surroundings.


• "The Natural Parenting Label" — Michelle at The Parent Vortex explains that natural parenting is a mindset, not a set of specific choices or a few fancy acronyms. (@TheParentVortex)


• "When Our Children Are Grown" — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children parents naturally, because she is building a firm foundation for her children.


• "What is Natural Parenting to a Witch Mom?" — Lily at Witch Mom has planned out what she wants for her son, from health to socialization to interactions with the natural world. (@lilyshahar)


• "Attachment Parenting and Our Family" — Semi-crunchy Mama at Adventures in Mommyhood takes us through the way the Baby Bs have transformed their family of four. (@crunchymamato2)


• "I'm a Mama...Naturally" — Andrea!!! at Ella-Bean & Co. didn't intend to parent naturally, but it happened by instinct.

Political and Social Activism

• "A Private Matter" — Amy at Anktangle, who is a Registered Nurse, describes her encounters with circumcision in a medical environment and why they guided her decision to leave her own baby boy intact. (@anktangle)


• "Natural Parenting, Following Our Instincts, and Keeping Our Son Intact" — Kelly at KellyNaturally went against the tide and refused to circumcise her son. (@kellynaturally)


• "Relying on Kindness" — Sure, Navelgazing Bajan at Navelgazing wants her son to be kind — but kindness is not enough. (@BlkWmnDoBF)

Milestone!

On Saturday, we threw a little party for Evelyn to celebrate the end of our nursing relationship. Evelyn and Chris picked out a big bumblebee balloon and some fun napkins of Evelyn's choosing. We had a gluten-free chocolate cake and she blew out two candles (over two years of nursing). We've been talking a lot about weaning and what it means, so while Evelyn did not completely come to this decision on her own, I knew that she was receptive to it. I also know that it was the right time for me and for us. I've been emotionally and physically drained from round-the-clock nursing with Henry and Evelyn. It was especially difficult trying to nurse Evelyn down for naps (didn't work out more than half of the time and she was cranky for the rest of the day) and bed (usually when Henry needed me as well). I did have tandem nursing figured out, but Evelyn didn't like to share when it came time to nurse for bed and so that was not a good option for us. I've read and talked and researched and thought and this is the right choice for us.

I feel a little bit of "Mama guilt" because I know that some moms tandem nurse happily for a year or more and I fully support that. Nevertheless, I did nurse Evelyn (exclusively until about eight or nine months, when she began to play with an occasional solid) for the first two years and three months of her life. It was not super easy or second nature during the first couple of weeks, but I never gave up. It did become the most natural thing in the world and I firmly believe that nursing my daughter on demand is one of the reasons she's had such excellent health and she's been so well-adjusted.

Now, a little more than two years later, there were a number of reasons that all mixed together and made weaning a good decision for our family. I wondered if weaning might affect our relationship, but as I rocked Evelyn to sleep for nap today without nursing or falling asleep in the car (for the first time ever!!!!!!!), I smiled to myself. I think that being a source of safety, comfort, and nourishment for Evelyn has given us a rock solid foundation for our relationship. I plan to nurse Henry for at least two years and as long as we both mutually desire beyond that, so I am certainly not trading in my nursing bras any time soon! And, speaking of nursing, this weekend marks the Washington La Leche League conference and I am very excited to participate (with Henry).

"Training"

I completely respect the fact that every family is unique and every parent, every mother, has a particular set of needs to be met within a particular set of circumstances. Nevertheless, I just cannot for the life of me get on board with the idea of "training" an infant or young child. Children aren't pups, though they might share some cute (and not-so-cute) habits from time to time. I've been thinking of this topic because occasionally we hear things like "oh, I just wouldn't allow that at my house" (if Evelyn doesn't fall asleep for nap on the first try, or at all). We've also heard about potty training "boot camp" and there are plenty of books out there about potty training in one day, or half a day even. I think it makes sense, as a general rule, (I'm not talking about extraordinary circumstances or kids who are much older than toddlers and may be better able to understand logic) to approach developmental or behavioral changes as learning experiences.

Of course there are times when I absolutely need a break. Much more often than not, Evelyn takes a good nap each day, but once in a while, she doesn't. If I think only of my need for a break, I can lose sight of what my child really needs in this moment. And those needs can change. An arbitrary nap or bed time is only useful as long as it is still working for both parent and child. I try to consider how I would feel if I were in my daughter's position. What if I was in pain because I was teething? What I needed to go to the bathroom? What if I was feeling scared about something. If I'm not tired, or if I'm feeling stressed out and having a hard time sleeping, would it be helpful to have someone shut me in a dark room while I scream for an hour? It would not. Maybe I'd fall asleep a little faster after a few rounds of this treatment, but I'd also probably have some trouble placing my full faith in that person. So, some days Evelyn just has quiet time in her room and plays with her dollhouse. Some days she's just extra grumpy for the afternoon, and no, it is not a lot of fun. We have an earlier bedtime on those days.

As for "potty learning," Evelyn has been using the potty at her own pace, about once or twice a day for two weeks now. We are letting her take the lead and encouraging her. My position at this point is that I am the parent and there are a lot of things I can control. My daughter is small, but she is a person worthy of respect and choices in her life. I try my best to offer both to her ( and as Henry grows, to him as well).

The Music Man!

I'm sure that I'm not alone in the fact that I rely on the occasional "bending of the truth," "fib," or "white lie" when it comes to explaining something to my toddler. It isn't my intent to be dishonest with her, but sometimes the real answer to her question (or toddler meltdown, as the case may be) is too lengthy or involves elements she just won't understand. Sometimes, I just want to avoid trouble, especially if we're both a little tired. At the coffee stand, for example, Evelyn sometimes asks for a blueberry muffin. We usually go ahead and get the muffin, but who am I kidding? These extra large muffins are essentially cupcakes without frosting. Have you read the ingredient list? They're practically pure sugar. Sometimes I just tell Evelyn that the coffee stand is out of muffins. She accepts this fact and I offer an alternative snack from home.

Yesterday evening as we ate dinner on our back deck, Evelyn was having a hard time sitting at the table. She just wanted to play and run around and have all of the fun that a gorgeous summer evening has to offer. Then, we heard some music. Chris and I knew exactly what the music meant. We also knew that telling Evelyn the truth about it would almost certainly result in her refusal to eat any dinner at all. I told Evelyn that the loud music we heard from our backyard was coming from "The Music Man." Haven't you heard of him? He drives slowly through neighborhoods, usually in some type of slightly dilapidated white van, and he blasts a carnival rendition of "Turkey in the Straw." Of course, Evelyn instantly asked "Shall we go see the man? Mommy, shall we see him?"

Chris did take her into the front yard and I guess they watched from a distance as the van slowly drove down our street (and then looped back around). I will definitely tell Evelyn the truth about "The Music Man" at some point. After all, she'll probably see kids walking away from the vehicle, ice cream in hand. And, I wouldn't want Evelyn to be embarrassed if, in a couple of years, she asks her friends if they know about The Music Man and they give her blank stares.

Five finger discount

This afternoon, while heading into a very large store with Evelyn, I watched a young man run through the exit with an overflowing load of clothing in his arms. A white car that had clearly seen better days was idling near the entrance. The man jumped into the backseat, dropping two shirts-- one red and one white-- in the parking lot as the car peeled away. It was really only a matter of seconds and the car had disappeared, leaving a handful of onlookers scratching their hands.

No one made a move toward the merchandise that had literally been left in the dust, so I buckled Evelyn into a shopping cart and picked up the shirts to return to customer service. Stealing, and blatant rule-violating in general, really bothers me. I'm not sure if any of the other four or five "witnesses" would have reported anything to the store, but I felt I should say something. The car had sped off much too quickly for me to take note of its license plate number, but at least I could return the shirts. I certainly hope that when Evelyn is older, she would speak up if faced with a similar situation.

Minoan Art

I wish I had been researching Minoan Art this afternoon instead of looking into minivans and minivan alternatives. The internet browser on my phone auto-corrected the word "minivan" to read "Minoan" . . . perhaps my awesome phone knew that I still have both feet planted securely in my twenties and I have never been a fan of minivans.

Alas, my sporty car will not happily fit two rear-facing car seats in the back seat and still allow for two adults to sit up front. I rarely drive with more than one additional adult (my husband) in the car, but I realize that, in the not-so-distant future, my children will bring friends along for outings. It would also be nice not to have to take two cars when family or friends visit us from out of town.

We're looking at a few "cross-over" type vehicles . . . ones with much better fuel economy than SUV's but with slightly better style and driving experience than minivans. It's too bad that minivans are so darn practical. We haven't crossed them off our list completely yet. Sigh. And here my innocent phone thought I was writing a paper on ancient Greek art.

My groceries cost more than yours!

"Organic" vs "Conventional"- let's go there.

I have a question.

Let's set aside, for a moment, the major argument about whether or not organic food is healthier than conventionally farmed food. (If you'd rather not click through the links right away, the first offers the idea that organic is indeed healthier and the second links to the Mayo Clinic's pronouncement that there is no discernible difference when it comes to health). I actually think that the fact that conventional farming methods are inherently unsustainable is basis enough to support alternative methods. But I will concede that "conventional" does not necessarily mean "poisonous" and it really isn't the end of the world to consume a cheap drive-thru meal now and again.

I know I am in danger of sounding awfully elitist, but I agree with the folks that argue that food shouldn't be a cheap afterthought in our budget. Food is a necessity to life and to good health, it makes sense that we should allocate more resources to obtain quality food than we would to entertain ourselves or accumulate more things. "Should" probably sounds a bit like a four letter word here, but hear me out. Yes, everyone has a fundamental right to food. I absolutely support food banks and charitable organizations like Oxfam. Cheap food, however, isn't the way to ensure that everyone actually has food. Farmers are often paid below production costs and rely on government subsidies (I promise not to ramble on about government spending issues, I'll stay on task!). Farmers are increasingly going out of business, unable to provide for their own families.

Let's also be sure to clarify what qualifies as "food." High-fructose corn syrup is not food, neither is a bag of chips with artificial cheese flavoring-- hello, delicious Doritos! Food remembers where it came from. Unfortunately, real food is often not the most affordable option, for a couple of reasons. First, locally-sourced sustainable and organic agriculture often comes from relatively small farms (especially in comparison to huge agribusinesses). When you're producing less, you need to charge a bit more in order to continue to pay your employees and do all of the things that keep your business afloat. Second, many people are convinced that organic food is healthier food and they are willing to pay the higher prices. There are more nuanced reasons of course, if you'd like to do a bit of research.

Lofty ideals (and very real issues) aside, the organic vs. conventional food debate often boils down to price. As a society, we often expect a gallon of milk or a bunch of bananas to cost a couple of dollars and we cringe at the thought of spending a little more. I hate that pricey food is a status symbol-- luxury cars fill the parking lots at both our local organic co-op grocery store and our nearest Whole Foods Market. It has always been a sign of prosperity to have a bounty of good (and often expensive) food. Is that why we feel we need to broadcast our food choices? Perhaps we'd like to subtly, or not so subtly, show our affluence. I've recently tried to pay more attention when sharing a recipe or a meal idea with friends and family. Although I choose to purchase locally-sourced food whenever possible and stock my cupboards and refrigerator with organic products, I have mostly stopped including the words "organic" and "local" to describe my meals because they really are loaded words. Sure, it's a great topic of conversation with close friends or folks with similar convictions, but there comes a point when all of the back-patting just seems a bit self-aggrandizing.

So, here is the question. Perhaps it seems rhetorical, but I am truly interested in hearing your responses: Is it condescending (or snobbish/rude) to announce that the food you're serving your guests is organic or (the holy grail!) local and organic? And, perhaps a trickier question: Is it rude to ask if the food you're offered by a friend or dinner host is organic?

The Dentist and the "Princess Push"

Today, Evelyn went to the dentist for the first time. She has twelve teeth and I am a big believer in keeping those precious chompers healthy. To prepare her for the visit, I told her that we would be meeting some new people and we were to going to show off her big-girl teeth. I mentioned that the nice, new people would tickle her teeth a little with a brush. She seemed to understand, still, I was nervous when we headed into the office. Evelyn doesn't always love it when I brush her teeth, so I wasn't sure how she would feel about a stranger doing it.

Fortunately, everyone we encountered in the office was incredibly friendly and upbeat. Evelyn warmed up within seconds because even the receptionist gave us an almost over-the-top warm welcome. The dental hygienist was very patient, gentle, and wonderful with Evelyn. She even suggested that Evie "taste" her pink gloved finger tip-- a great trick actually, because Evelyn thought it sounded silly but fun and she opened right up. The dentist was also patient and incredibly upbeat. They also showered Evelyn with praise and stickers. We will definitely stick with this dentist because I am thrilled with the way the staff interacted with my daughter.

There were a couple of minor blips though. I cringed a little as the dentist called the paste "princess candy" and praised Evelyn for her beautiful "princess smile." I know, I know, it is not a big deal. Not at all really, but the hygienist had already selected a Disney Cinderella sticker for Evelyn-- who was enamored with the fish sticker, actually (she later got to take the fish sticker as well, so she was thrilled). The generous sprinkling of "princess" triggered some thinking on my part though, because the dentist's office is hardly alone in the assumption that little girls from birth onward must yearn to be princesses-- and Disney ones, at that.

Why are we pushing princesses onto little girls? I'm not sure if it is our own romanticized memories of childhood or not, but it seems that adults are convinced that certain consumer items and characters are the epitome of fun. Fortunately, because Evelyn is still a young toddler (and probably because of my choice of social circle), we haven't encountered too much Disney princess paraphernalia. As we broaden our horizons and meet more parents and tots, however, I find that if I respond honestly to questions like "Who is her favorite princess?" I am met with a raised eyebrow or worse. I hate to be on the receiving end of the look that implies that I am denying my daughter some innocent pleasure because I haven't heavily marketed the Disney brand in our house. Seriously, it's the same look some parents give when they find out that Evelyn doesn't know the Sesame Street characters.

Honestly, I don't walk around with a "boycott your TV" shirt. Lord knows I enjoy a good episode of 30 Rock now and again. I simply fail to see any value in teaching brand loyalty to a toddler. I absolutely love the Campaign for a Commercial-free Childhood. My intention is not to say that a parent who allows her child to watch a cartoon is inherently wrong. I just wish parents-- and all adults really-- would realize that babies, toddlers, and even older kids are not hardwired with a need to plop in front of flashing screen for hours a day.

The absence of a favorite TV or movie character does not automatically mean the absence of fun. Evelyn has so many favorite things right now and most of them are little games she has invented.* So please, save your pity. My daughter is not suffering for lack of Elmo or Cinderella.


*For instance, Evelyn's train set has a bridge with bars that raise and lower and she has endless fun driving one of the train engines (with her own sound effects of course) up to the first bar and exclaiming "Excuse me! Excuse me!" before letting the train pass through. Repeat fifteen times and you've got yourself an amazing game.

Thinking in Public: Style Edition

Fair tresses man's imperial race ensnare,
And beauty draws us with a single hair.
-Alexander Pope

Let's take a giant step back from baby name debacle '10 for a moment.* Today, it is all about hair. It's recently occurred to me that I've had the same hair style for almost a year, give or take some low-lights, and that is probably a record for me. For about the past ten years I've made at least one or two major changes to my hair each year.

I've been a redhead-- a fun idea because red does make blue eyes pop, but not the right color for my skin tone. I've been dark brunette, again, unless the shade is just right, my skin tone completely washes out. I've been very blonde, blonde, dark blonde, and light brown. I've had layered and textured styles, shoulder-length hair with side-swept bangs, and one very pricey chin-length cut which was a monster to grow out: goodbye awkward in-between stage!

I have enjoyed my (almost) natural color and a nice, long length (mid-chest) for a while now. It's time for a change, and I have an appointment with my stylist (she owns a local Aveda salon). I found a stylist I love-- which isn't nearly as easy a task as one would think. I usually just ask for a trim and for some slight shaping of the layers near my face. This week, however, I'm wondering if it might be fun to really make a change. There comes a point where long hair starts to feel style-less. So, what do you think?

Brief walk down memory lane:



Short hair at Mt Rainier in 2007



Hair grazing shoulders (and lighter) just after Evelyn was born.



Current length and style (unfortunately featured in a poorly lit photo)

I think best when I'm writing or talking through an issue, but nothing is coming to me yet. Perhaps I'll submit to this blog for suggestions? I imagine she won't get back to me before tomorrow evening though!


*The baby name security breach has really been a bit of a blessing in disguise. I realized, in my heightened defensiveness of the name in question, just how much I love it.

You're doing it wrong!

I consider myself an attached parent. My husband would say the same, though fathers don't seem to get the same kind of flack for their parenting choices. So, I'll focus on motherhood here. Sometimes I wonder if the best image for motherhood would be a lovely pastoral scene with little flowers here and there. Mother and child walk along peacefully and BAM! -- a flower explodes because Mama Dear unknowingly took a wrong step. Suddenly, Mama's confidence is undermined. To a lesser-- though sometimes greater-- extent, criticisms and inquiries regarding one's parenting choices are much like my flower. Comments are made with "the best of intentions" and wrapped (though not always) in a smile. We are all guilty of sharing unwanted or unsolicited advice. Most of it is probably harmless, and most of it is probably well-meaning. Yet, the reality is, there is a ton of unsolicited advice, waiting to jump from the tips of tongues so as to permeate playgrounds (and classrooms and offices and . . . ).

There are a myriad of (conflicting) opinions. These opinions are especially difficult to tune out when sleep-deprivation is an issue (and if you are a parent of a small child(ren), it's going to be an issue sometimes). Sometimes the voices come from outside the mainstream: Do you practice attachment parenting? You're not wearing your baby often enough! You're not nursing long enough! Do you try your best limit your child's exposure to pesticides, hormones, and antibiotics in food? Why on earth is your kid taking a bite of a "conventional" grape? Co-sleeping? You're not remaining true to the notions of sleep-sharing unless your child implements her own plan for solitary sleep!

If you don't fit the mainstream, there are even more people who are only too glad to tell you what you're doing is wrong. Why is your child still rear-facing in the car seat? You're still nursing? You are delaying vaccines? You're not vaccinating at all? Your kiddo has never had a Happy Meal? Your (insert age here) month-old is not sleeping "through the night?"

Either way, feeling some kind of outside pressure in parenting is an occupational hazard, even when you know you have intentionally come to a decision that is best for your family (and I do think that the whole family should be taken into account, not just the child). I embrace the concepts of Attachment Parenting because I believe that they make the most sense. I do not, however, believe that it is necessary to turn concepts into some kind of holy law that must be obeyed or else my very Motherhood will be repealed. I'll quote Dr. Sears here, "if you resent it, change it!" Attachment Parenting is not martyr parenting. It is responsive, it is thoughtful, and above all, it is respectful. What better way is there to raise respectful, thoughtful children than to model these behaviors for them and treat all people -- friends and strangers alike-- with respect and dignity.

Names, names, names

We put a lot of thought into choosing a name for Evelyn. There are plenty of lovely names out there in the world and we sifted through until we found the right fit. In our search for the right name, I realized that it was much easier to rule out groups of names than to say definitively what it was I actually liked. I prefer names that are either clearly feminine or masculine rather than androgynous ones. I wanted to stay away from names of my own generation-- it is way too soon for the names to have become a classic and they are too old to sound fresh. I don't care for names that are riding high on the waves of current trends. I didn't want a name with a negative meaning behind it. (It will only require minimal digging to unearth the popular name that means "bitter")

What do I like? Names that are pleasing to the ear. This may sound odd, but hear me out. Some names come tripping off of the tongue while others are just naturally easier to pronounce. A case in point: Gertrude (no offense to my late Great Grandmother). I like traditional spellings-- no need for a superfluous "e" or "y," especially when it will only give your child the lifelong "gift" of spelling out his or her name every time someone needs identification information (read: regularly!). In the end, I like the name Evelyn and I like the name we chose for her middle name (a family name). We made a decision that worked for us and we are happy with it. Now that we are choosing a sibling name for Evelyn, though, it seems that our work is a bit harder. We need a name that fits our criteria (a classic name, fairly traditional but not trendy or overly-popular, non-androgynous-- for lack of better term) and that relates well to the name Evelyn. Because honestly, I just don't understand why parents sometimes give one child an Italian name, another child, a name they've invented, and another a traditional English name. I like a sense of cohesion.

There is a nifty website that suggests sibling names, but I'm not sold on the sister suggestions for Evelyn. If we have a son, I think we'll have an easier time because we do have a short list of favorites (kept under lock and key! We're not sharing any names until Baby is born. . . there are too many strong opinions flying around and I really don't need to know that you once dated someone with the name we love and, wow, was that person a dud). The real reason it is so hard to think of a girl's name, I think, is that we already encountered plenty of names we liked but inevitably crossed them off the list and went with the name Evelyn. And if this baby is a girl, she deserves more than a scrap-pile name. One of the best pieces of naming-advice I've received is to shout a name out the back door, as though you're calling your child in for dinner. I also think it helps to write it down, whisper it, and imagine meeting a successful entrepreneur with that name; does the name work?

Country mouse or City mouse?

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the process of buying a house.  This is not surprising since we are in the middle of this process right now.  There are so many factors to consider (square footage, do we really need a designated guest room? why are there so many houses built on the highway? what will the commute be like? schools? neighbors?, etc. . . ), I end up running the risk of idealizing potential homes.  

For instance, we really like a house just north of Redmond, in Woodinville.  The house sits on over an acre of land with plenty of trees and wildlife on the property.  In terms of privacy, this house has it all.  You cannot see any neighboring houses from the house and, for much of the year, the same is true for the yard.  The interior is lovely.  The only real "updates" we would consider would be cosmetic.  The kitchen is one of the few we've seen that hasn't been recently updated with granite counters or a stainless steel fridge, but it is pretty spacious and the custom cabinetry would not need replacing.  The neighborhood seems close-knit, despite the large lot sizes and the only traffic we saw while touring the property was of the equestrian variety.   

But. . . what about city life?  Are we really ready to officially declare our country mouse status?  I think Chris is prepared to opt out of downtown living; he has never claimed to be a lover of cities.  My biggest concern is that I will end up completely alone in this big house in the country, missing out on the social interactions that seem to come more frequently in densely-populated communities.  

The thing is, after living in cities or even in downtown areas, you still have to make some effort to seek out these social opportunities.  After all, city life is not exactly communal living . . . that is a completely different option altogether.  

For ecological reasons, I do feel somewhat guilty for even considering purchasing a big old chunk of land for a family of three.  

There are just so many implications to our decision.  I wish I could have E's input!  She is the one who will be growing up in the neighborhood we choose, playing pretend in the house we make a home, building forts in the yard. . . .