Snapshot: Future student?

Evie does know how to sing the alma mater.

Nursing: photographic evidence

As parents, we take pictures of our children at birth and during their first baths. We run for the digital camera to capture our child's first smile, and later, his first steps. I love looking back at the video and photos we have of our children and I know we will treasure these things even more when our "babies" are grown up. For the past two years and two months (and counting), I have been a nursing mother. Why not take photos of this most natural, healthy, and beautiful aspect of motherhood, babyhood, and childhood? And, for that matter, why not share these photos?

Messes

Lately, I've been gathering more and more evidence that seems to suggest that life is really just a series of messes. Some of these messes are the result of copious amounts of fun-- the kind of mess you don't actually mind cleaning up because you're still smiling and perhaps you're even still in good company. Some messes are sort of inevitable-- a part of life to which you can't quite object, like the baby spit-up I intermittently sport on my shirt (and jeans, and tote bag, and, etc). Other messes are infuriating because they are the result of flat-out defiance, a la the toddler tantrum-induced cup of milk on the kitchen floor. And then, there's this:



Bird seed. It's scattered around our back deck. I suppose I was asking for it when we hung a bird feeder over the deck, but in my defense let me say that I wanted the feeder to hang outside a window we would pass by frequently so that we could actually see the birds. Come on, birds! At least one of you could swoop down peck at the deck so I don't have to track bird seed all over town every time I walk outside. Ah, never mind. We our really enjoying the birds for now. (Now there is a sentence I never thought I'd write! I've never been a bird-watcher.) We've been seeing a pair of Steller's Jays every day and they're quite striking. Everyone thinks so, including this guy:



Be vigilant, birds. Meet Spyder (our pseudo-pet cat who apparently belongs to the family across the street-- along with his kitty sister Gypsy and two dogs who bark like maniacs at anyone who dares to use the sidewalk in front of their house). He is watching.

One way to thwart a tired toddler's meltdown

Homemade play-dough! I was surprised to learn how easy it was to make the dough. We used a no-bake recipe. Evelyn thought this was great fun until the dough hardened in little bits on her arms and I began to wipe them off with a damp cloth. She shouted "it hurts!" and I felt awful. We ended up making a game out of the clean up and I used the "rip off the band-aid" method to clean her up-- I just went for it as quickly as I could to get it over with. In the end, the play-dough was a lot of fun and it did cheer her up.

It's a hit!

The birdhouse Evelyn and I picked up at Home Depot seems to be doing its job. We've had our first sighting now so the word must be out in the bird community that there is a new feeder in the neighborhood. Now we need to learn to identify our new friends. I think Evelyn will really enjoy that.

Bright side: friends and family!

I've glanced back at the past few posts and, pictures and videos excluded, the general tone is one of anxiety and fatigue. It isn't all negative over here, for the record. In fact, on Saturday we had a great visit with Chris' Dad. It was such a treat for Evelyn (and for all of us really) to spend the day with Dabo, given that we live across the country right now. And just today a sweet friend delivered a latte to my door.

That gesture alone will brighten an afternoon! And then of course, there are moments in which Evelyn runs over to Henry and begs to hold him. She caresses his little cheek and plants a kiss on his forehead before declaring her immense love for her baby brother. Precious, I tell you.

Henry Rolls Over (bonus: and smiles)!

If you don't have anything nice to say. . .

Last week was rough. I'll admit it. I sincerely hope that this week (and next week, and so on) is better. It seems to me that juggling a household, a newborn, and a toddler is one part delicate dance, one part sheer luck. No matter how much I prepare things ahead of time and try to plan activities I think Evelyn will enjoy around times I think Henry will be happily sleeping in a carrier or a sling, there are kinks. Sometimes Evelyn is just overtired and cranky. Sometimes it's Henry. Sometimes it is me! Anyway, I am making a concerted effort to look on the bright side. So I will try my best to set the temper tantrums aside (there are rain boots and socks scattered around the backyard courtesy of this morning's tantrum).

Yesterday, I took Evelyn to Home Depot. A mother-daughter trip, just the two of us. We picked out some light bulbs and some boring household things and then I let her choose a plant for the garden. She chose another lavender plant. Excellent choice, I think. I love the scent and I really think they're quite pretty. We also bought some hen-and-chicks and some bright red begonias.

This morning, once Henry was settled down for a morning nap, I set up the baby monitor and took a slightly cranky Evelyn out to the front garden bed. We dug holes and planted flowers. Henry woke up and joined us, rather unhappily. We watered the flowers. I hope that this activity was somewhat enjoyable for Evelyn. I think she liked it-- it did involve digging! My next project is to mulch the front bed. This is a huge undertaking for me because the bed is easily twenty feet long and pretty wide. It will be worth it though!

Snapshot: Happy Henry

(And yes, that is a pink swaddling blanket beneath him. Poor second baby!)

I'm trying my best

. . . that is my motto lately, my mantra. By the end of the day, I am more exhausted-- physically and emotionally-- than I've ever been. Taking care of two small children is hard work! It doesn't help that we've been having a mini heatwave in the Pacific Northwest. Today, Chris met us for dinner so that we could get out of the heat and enjoy some air conditioning.

Evelyn heard the music at the Indian restaurant and she told us that she really liked it. Then she thought for a moment and added, "it sounds like China." The music was a little reminiscent of the tune that plays in one particular "Thomas and Friends" episode in which a train from China has come to Thomas' island, Sodor. Yes, I know more about this program than I ever hoped to know, but sometimes I need a brief distraction for a cranky girl while I ive Henry my full attention.

I'm no fan of plopping a child in front of the TV in lieu of actually interacting with her and helping her engage with her real environment, and I love the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood. We don't watch any TV shows that feature commercials because before age seven or eight (possibly later for some kids?), children don't realize that the purpose of the ad is to sell them something and I just think it is ridiculous to take advantage of kids like this. Along these lines, it drives me nuts to see how much even PBS advertises for itself during programs so that "PBS kids" becomes its own brand to which tots owe their loyalty.

Nevertheless, I cannot be in two places at once. Sometimes Evelyn is overtired and has a really hard time waiting for my full attention. Would I rather she watch twenty minutes of Thomas the train or whine or cry and hang off of my leg while I try to put a sleeping newborn into his swing (unsuccessfully thanks to the aforementioned whining and crying and leg-hanging)? Most of the time though, Evelyn keeps busy either in the backyard or the playroom. She is very interested in playing pretend-- especially when it involves pretend cooking and food. She loves to "chew" the imaginary food and she makes sure that I "chew" mine as well. Usually, Henry snuggles in my lap, in the Moby wrap, or smiles at us from his blanket on the floor.

Speaking of Henry, he's already learned to roll over from his tummy onto his back. He has been pretty strong from birth-- able to hold his head quite steady for a newborn and able to push himself up into a mini push-up. Evelyn was like this too, so I think this early physicality must be in our genes. He is also smiling and "talking" quite a bit. Evelyn loves it when Henry "talks" to her (of course she does, she loves to talk!) and she rewards him with a kiss. I try to think of sweet moments like these when I am dizzy with fatigue and can barely keep my eyes open at the end of the day.

Snapshot: Thanks Aunt Jess!

Henry received this adorable summer wetsuit-inspired outfit in the mail the other day. He is ready to hit the beach!

Story for my daughter

Growing up, my father had two favorite sayings involving my writing. The first: "if it says your name at the top, you'd better make sure it is something you're proud of." The second: "don't carve into your paper with your pencil, it makes it very hard to erase." Naturally, I developed a strong inclination to write my name on practically every paper item I owned-- and sometimes I did carve my words. It might have been easier to erase math mistakes when I wrote softly (and thoughtfully), but I always wrote with a vengeance-- either because I was angry that I had to finish math homework (and I never liked math) or because I was passionate about whatever it was I happened to be writing.

I want to create a tangible story for my daughter. I want to explain the little nuances and complexities of life that I so often discovered (and continue to discover, to be sure) only after tears or loneliness or, worst of all, embarrassment. Of course, I fully realize that she needs to live her own life, but maybe I can soften some of the blows or draw a map detailing the whereabouts of the silver lining to at least a couple of sticky situations.

There are so many unwritten rules. Perhaps she will be spared my tendency to observe and assess virtually every social situation immediately upon entering a room. This constant "temperature taking" is mainly the result of my own experiences, but it is also something I've always been rather good at so maybe some of it is innate. I do hope that my daughter will have the ability to understand the subtlety of social interactions-- I have little patience for the oblivious among us-- but I also hope she will be able to recognize her own agency in her life. She is primarily responsible for herself and for her own successes and failures. I hope to convey to her that she is not living under a microscope, even when she is thirteen and it feels like her every move is being scrutinized by her peers. I hope she can see another person's reactions not as her's to re-shape but as a part of life, of the human condition. She can show empathy without sacrificing self.

I often think about how layered our stories are-- all of us. I have a story and it is my own, and yet it is tangled-- often at the most pivotal of moments-- with the stories of others. I know that my story will become a part of my daughter's and it is mostly for this reason that I want so badly to clean it up-- to lighten the marks so as to be able to erase the mistakes. I want my daughter to see my name, her name, and be proud. Most of all though, I want my daughter to boldly make her mark wherever she sees fit.

Two babies

Thankfully, summer has returned to the Pacific Northwest. Since we don't really know if the sun is here to stay for more than a couple of weeks in this fickle corner of the country, we kicked off our "yay for summer" extravaganza with friends at a nearby park this morning. My hope was for Evie to fall asleep in the car on the way home so that I wouldn't have lay down with her in her bed for nap and leave little Henry on his own if he was awake. I am no supporter of leaving a newborn awake in a room all by himself while he cries-- it just doesn't serve any purpose and doesn't make sense to me. Ordinarily, when Henry and Evelyn both need me, I wear Henry is a wrap or in the Ergo carrier or I just nurse him in my arms while talking to Evie or engaging with her in some way. Nap time, however, is not an ordinary time. Evelyn gets really sleepy, and understandably so, and she just wants my full attention. Scratch that, she wants my full physical presence and my full attention. So, we tried to go down for a nap, but it was not going to happen peacefully so I took sweet Henry to my bedroom and let Evelyn play quietly with her dollhouse in her room for about ten minutes or so. Once Henry was asleep, I took Evie outside (ah, the great outdoors-- it cures even the worst mood!) to have a snack and color in the shade for a bit. Then, Evelyn and I rinsed out and refilled her water table.

The little blue water table represents probably the best thirty or so dollars we've spent in a while because it serves so many purposes-- though it's a means of getting wet, first and foremost. Today, the table was her stage. Oh the drama! One of the characters was "missing" (penguin, walrus, and polar bear) and the others had to call out for him to return. This game can last anywhere from one to ten minutes depending on the enthusiasm of the search party, but today she really enjoyed playing and it lasted for a little while-- until Evelyn noticed that my attention had shifted from her to something inside the house for a moment. She was quite overtired and so little things like this are pretty distracting.

I realized that with Henry asleep, I had a window of time to try for a nap, so we went into her room and went through our little routine again. She fell asleep, about two and a half hours after the point where she was so tired she was whining and melting down. Oh well. I'm just happy that she is asleep!

Snapshot: Voila!

Impulse

This afternoon (after having spent the morning and early afternoon at home with both Evelyn and Henry), I spent two wonderful hours at the salon. First, I have to say that this appointment was only really possible because the salon is literally on the property of my husband's company (that it is also an organic salon is icing on the cake!) so Chris was able to wear sleeping Henry in a carrier and play with Evelyn very close to me. Henry did need to come in for a Mama-visit to nurse toward the end, so it worked out well that they stayed nearby.

Anyway, the plan was for me to get a quick trim and some highlights and call it a day. The stylist made a suggestion before she began the facial framing: bangs. Not wispy 1994 bangs, but "now" bangs. On an impulse, I said "sure." After all, if I didn't like them they'd grow pretty quickly and I could always sweep them to the side. Evelyn declared that she loves Mama's bangs. Chris thought I looked cute and I think I look a little like a totally different person.

It's fun to have a change. A Mama in the 'burbs can still be spontaneous. I'm glad I acted on impulse. Yes, I drive a Sienna that almost shouts "I have children! Possibly loads of soccer balls!" but I like to think that I'm still me-- and even a small decision that isn't the "safe" choice feels good once in a while.

Henry at eight weeks

My sweet Henry is two months old. Eight weeks on this earth and he is smiling, cooing, and generally being all that is newborn. I love how he came into our family and everything just felt so complete and so right. And now, of course, I can't imagine us without him-- all 12 pounds, eight and a half ounces of him!


Henry looking at Mama



Henry and Grandma

Evelyn, the costume

Lately, Evelyn has a couple of "catch phrases." The first is really more of an announcement than anything else: "I'm a costume!" Evie tosses a blanket over her head or around her shoulders, sometimes adding one of Daddy's hats into the mix, and she prances across the room. When we ask Evelyn what exactly she is dressing up as, she repeats "I am a costume!" with great enthusiasm. It's pretty funny.

The second thing Evelyn has been saying is "Mama, do you remember (name) from high school?" I cannot keep from laughing when Evelyn asks me this. Since Evelyn loves to tell a good "joke" or make us laugh, you can imagine how often she'll repeat a funny phrase to get a big reaction. Here she is, as a costume:

Snapshot: A sandwich for baby brother

My Mom is visiting and, true to form, Evelyn is very much enjoying the extra attention. All of the excitement has not, however, dampened her love for her brother. Here, she is giving Henry a pretend sandwich and a pat on the back.

Sleep, baby, sleep

I'd love to join Henry in his sweet baby dreams, but I've just spent the past two hours cleaning the house. Well, tidying is more like it. Our house is usually quite clean in terms of "physically" being clean but the clutter just creeps up and accumulates. I can't stand cluttered kitchen counters, I find the suffocating. So, the kitchen island is totally clear, the other main counter will be clear once the first load of dishes is through and . . . wow, this is a thrilling post!

This morning was much more exciting. I stepped away from our lovely family for about an hour and a half this afternoon for a much needed massage. My physical therapist, midwife, and chiropractor all said (on separate occasions) "Wow, your muscles are tight! You should get a massage." I decided to actually heed their advice. I booked the massage for Henry's usual sleepy time, which is not too hard to do since he is a newborn. According to Chris, the both kids did just fine while I was out. When I came home, Henry was sleeping in his swing and Evelyn was working on a block tower in the living room. Success indeed!