Story for my daughter

Growing up, my father had two favorite sayings involving my writing. The first: "if it says your name at the top, you'd better make sure it is something you're proud of." The second: "don't carve into your paper with your pencil, it makes it very hard to erase." Naturally, I developed a strong inclination to write my name on practically every paper item I owned-- and sometimes I did carve my words. It might have been easier to erase math mistakes when I wrote softly (and thoughtfully), but I always wrote with a vengeance-- either because I was angry that I had to finish math homework (and I never liked math) or because I was passionate about whatever it was I happened to be writing.

I want to create a tangible story for my daughter. I want to explain the little nuances and complexities of life that I so often discovered (and continue to discover, to be sure) only after tears or loneliness or, worst of all, embarrassment. Of course, I fully realize that she needs to live her own life, but maybe I can soften some of the blows or draw a map detailing the whereabouts of the silver lining to at least a couple of sticky situations.

There are so many unwritten rules. Perhaps she will be spared my tendency to observe and assess virtually every social situation immediately upon entering a room. This constant "temperature taking" is mainly the result of my own experiences, but it is also something I've always been rather good at so maybe some of it is innate. I do hope that my daughter will have the ability to understand the subtlety of social interactions-- I have little patience for the oblivious among us-- but I also hope she will be able to recognize her own agency in her life. She is primarily responsible for herself and for her own successes and failures. I hope to convey to her that she is not living under a microscope, even when she is thirteen and it feels like her every move is being scrutinized by her peers. I hope she can see another person's reactions not as her's to re-shape but as a part of life, of the human condition. She can show empathy without sacrificing self.

I often think about how layered our stories are-- all of us. I have a story and it is my own, and yet it is tangled-- often at the most pivotal of moments-- with the stories of others. I know that my story will become a part of my daughter's and it is mostly for this reason that I want so badly to clean it up-- to lighten the marks so as to be able to erase the mistakes. I want my daughter to see my name, her name, and be proud. Most of all though, I want my daughter to boldly make her mark wherever she sees fit.