A Family Weekend



 Henry was quite ill from the middle of Friday night to Sunday morning and when he gained some energy, he had some tantrums.  These tantrums ranged from run of the mill to full-fledged toddler anger.  My poor boy was frustrated and still a little run down, even after his fever broke. 

 

Fortunately, he did reason to perk up a bit.  Chris set up a big boy bed in Henry's room.  Evelyn and Henry were both excited and eager to "help."   



Today was full of moments of like this. 

And this.

But, fortunately, there were also sweet moments.

Water colors are fun (and calming) for a while.

Sweet Henry

Tonight, Henry was wide awake well past the time Mommy and Daddy would like to see him in bed.  I was growing frustrated and Henry could tell.  He asked me "Wrong, Mommy?" and I told him I was frustrated.  I asked if he was tired and he told me "play blocks, Mommy.  Want to play blocks with me?"  How could I say no?  Once we began to build, Henry asked "Feelin' better, Mommy?"  My heart just melted.  He gave me a gentle pat and kept asking if I was feeling better yet.  It was so sweet. 

Twenty-One Months (Henry)

Henry has reached that adorable (and fun) toddler stage in which he will say any word you request.  "Henry, can you say ceiling?  How about protozoan?"  He obliges and it very cute.  (Prozoan, he says).  He also has quite a few simple sentences ("Mommy, where are you?  Eva, time for dinner!  Yeah, yeah, swimming!") and songs.  The songs are recognizable to anyone by tune, but I can tell that he is really saying most of the words in the way that only a Mama of a toddler can.  I love the toddler stage and I am glad that we still have another year of it.  I was talking to a friend about how sad it will be when it fully sinks in that Henry isn't a baby anymore.  He is almost two, after all.  Still, we nurse and co-sleep so we get plenty of snuggle time at night-- even if Henry determined to be a full-fledged big boy during the day.

Arts and Crafts, Baking, and Lots of Play (how we spend each day)

 

 

 

 

Every table deserves a bouquet of flowers

Waiting for cookies to bake is fun!

We make at least one pillow fort/ rabbits' nest/ double decker bus each day.

Learning What They Live

Henry helps Morabelle settle down in the sling.

Kids have a way of holding a mirror up to their parents.  From the time that Evelyn could speak, I have had daily glimpses of my phrases, mannerisms, and habits.  Most of the time, it's not too unflattering.  It is clear from both Evelyn's and Henry's play that when I talk on the phone, I walk around the house and often say "doing well, how are you?  Yeah, yeah, bye!"  Of course, there are also moments when I hear my words on the lips of my child and I just cringe.  Do I really sound like that?  I'm sure I do get exasperated sometimes; I'm only human.

Today, Evelyn and Henry were pretending that Evelyn's little white dog (Morabelle) was very tired and sad.  Evelyn tried to wrap her up in a blanket for a nap.  Henry suggested we put her in the Ergo.  I found a doll sling and the kids took turns wearing little Morabelle, patting her gently as they bounced.  It was very sweet to see that they'd picked up such gentle and loving techniques.

The Witching Hour: Why you won't be getting a homemade gift this year

Most of the mothers I have met will agree that, at least some of the time, there seems to be a particular part of their day that is just awful when compared to the rest.  Call it the witching hour, call it meltdown time, call it 3:00 pm . . .   The day starts off well enough, with morning's freshness and newness, activities or preschool, and lunch.  Sometimes we add in some errands around town and perhaps a library trip or play date.  Soon it is evident that Henry (and generally, the under 3 crowd-- or older if you're a lucky one) needs a nap and I try my best to make it happen as quickly as he needs. 

For those non-nappers, a little quiet time can work wonders to make it through the afternoon until a second wind helps them stick it out through dinner, play, bath, etc time.  When the weather cooperates, we go outside during this afternoon time.  Unfortunately, it is thirty degrees out and a little drizzly.  I also have several things I actually need to do during Henry's nap time as well, so bundling up to stand outside doesn't rank very high on my priority list today. 

This afternoon, I attempted to bake four or five dozen cookies (and make a tasty appetizer) for a neighborhood party and cookie exchange.  This is fun, fabulous idea, don't get me wrong.  By the time I was able to begin the cookies, however, Henry was two hours over-due for his nap and fighting it every step of the way and Evelyn was whining and frustrated with a pbs online game I let her play so that I could bake.  I put Henry on my back in a carrier and he cried and loudly in my ear while I sang to him and made the cookies.  To add insult to injury, Evelyn was very hurt that I made these cookies without her help and through a crying fit on the dining room floor.  I think she was tired and overwhelmed.  So, why am I writing this instead of baking (or checking myself into the Spa under an alias)?  I finished the first batch and they're cooling on the counter.  Henry finally fell asleep in the carrier so I transferred him to the bed and I'm letting Evelyn watch Bob the Builder and eat frozen yogurt. 

I have no idea how other people make so many cute or crafty gifts this time of year.  I also don't know how we all survive the witching hour, but if your survival strategy involves somehow taking a nap with your child, please don't tell me.  I can't handle the envy today (wink).

    

Mama Cooks: Gluten-free, vegan pasta primavera

Yesterday, I realized that I was out of both coconut milk and red chili paste (there is a sentence I never imagined I would write) but I had already diced peppers and zucchini and rinsed my tofu.  Since a curry was out and a plain old stir-fry didn't sound appealing, I decided to get a bit creative.  Henry helped "explore our options," picking boxes and bags out of the cabinet and tossing them onto the floor.  He found some flat rice noodles-- the kind typically used in pad thai or stir-fry noodle dishes.  Perfect!  Since his next big "find" was a huge, open bag of beans, I put him in his high chair and offered some snacks.  He wasn't thrilled with this idea and was sure to let me (and maybe our neighbors) know about it.  Still, I needed to cook dinner.  So, I hurried to make something up that would be tasty!

Here is what I came up with:

Gluten-free Vegan Pasta Primavera

three zucchinis, diced
three green chili peppers, chopped
five small green tomatoes, diced
one clove garlic, minced
one block extra firm tofu, sliced into cubes or rectangles
mixed veggies from freezer, one cup
coconut oil, roughly half cup
pesto,three tablespoons
garlic powder, some healthy shakes (I didn't measure this)
basil (fresh would be best, but I didn't have any on hand), 2 tsp
salt and pepper, a few healthy shakes as I stirred
olive oil, 2 tsp
one cup rice noodles, cooked

I wasn't sure how the coconut oil would work out as a buttery replacement, but I was very pleased!

Order isn't too important here, as long as the noodles make it in toward the end, so that you can just toss all of the ingredients together and serve!  Enjoy!

Follow-up: another truth

 "Most parents fall into one of two categories: those who give their children guidance about the world of emotion and those who don't."- John Gottman

More about John Gottman, and raising an emotionally intelligent child here and here.
“Much of today’s popular advice to parents ignores emotion,” says Dr. Gottman. “Instead it relies on child-rearing theories that address children’s misbehavior, but disregards the feelings that underlie that misbehavior. The ultimate goal of raising children should not be simply to have an obedient and compliant child. Most parents hope for much more for their children.”

A Universal Truth

I realize the idea of a universal truth can be controversial, but hear me out. At the lake this evening, it became clear that there are two basic types of people-- regardless of age. There are people who throw stones at the ducks and people who don't. We steer clear of the kids who do this and Evelyn knows to wait until the ducks have gone by before tossing her pebble and counting the rings that form after it plunks into the lake. 

I always thought that the whole "tossing rocks at water fowl" trend was a wild toddler thing.  Unfortunately, it is not-- a twenty-something thought it was quite fun until her friends called her out on her cruel behavior.  Ah well.  Evelyn noticed all of this but wasn't bothered.  She told me "Evelyn and her friends don't throw rocks by the ducks."  So there you have it, if you ever need to draw a line in the sand when choosing friends, ask if they throw stones at ducks. 

Almost A Break

It's amazing how much one's perspective can change when deprived of sleep and any semblance of personal space.  I scurried off to the dentist today with a smile on my face.  Yes, I knew that I would need at least three shots and I really don't like them.  I also really don't like the sound of a drill coming from inside my mouth.  Still, my dentist does offer digital TV. 

What would I like to watch?  I had no idea what was on since, if it isn't Mr. Roger's re-runs or an occasional Caillou, we rarely watch TV before 9 PM.  I watched a retired couple look for a second home on HGTV.  It wasn't the worst way to spend an hour. 

I Couldn't Have Imagined . . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This beautiful boy. I knew I would love him, but I had no idea how much.

When "Helpful Hints" Don't Help

Nothing beckons "helpful hints" and tips from family, friends, and even strangers like pregnancy and childbirth.  Pregnant women and new mothers are in transition.  We often think, read, and talk a lot about the ways in which their worlds are changing.  This information-seeking and dialoguing is one very common way to prepare for the life-changing process of adding another human being to the world.  I received great advice from time to time and I still appreciate it.  Still, the best "advice" was actually what I gleaned through observation.  The happiest and healthiest babies and Moms I saw while caring for children were those who were in sync.  Breastfeeding, responding to their babies' cries, and cosleeping were very often the common denominators.  I read every book and article that spoke to me and I kept my eyes open.  I feel comfortable with where this has led me. 

When advice is so abundant that it seems to seep out of the woodwork, however, we're left to sift through and discern whether or not to file it away for later.  And, in the event of blatant bad advice, we can't always keep those pesky words at bay in the middle of the night when we're worrying that we've made a wrong turn somewhere along the way.

Once the baby has arrived, some people may find it near impossible to keep mum if you do things differently from them.  Many mothers have found the "Pass the Bean Dip" strategy to be invaluable.  Basically, you remain positive while standing your ground (don't defend yourself, justify your actions as a parent, etc) and change the subject or move the conversation along.  For instance, if a relative or friend (or neighbor or coworker, etc) asks something like "Is she a good baby?  Does she sleep through the night for you?" you just smile and say "She's a wonderful baby!  Thanks, please pass the bean dip."  In this example, I may initially feel that I need to explain why we're not sleep-training, but an explanation opens the conversation to debate.  If pressed, you remain positive but firm.  There is no need to defend your infant or yourself.  A simple "I know that you love us.  This (nursing, cosleeping, not spanking, etc) works for our family and it's not up for debate" will do.  Be brave.  I'm still working on that part.       

The Joy of Dirt

Today was supposed to be quite glum, if the weather reports were to be believed.  Fortunately, I am an optimist and we met up with friends at a local park with the hope that the rain would hold off for at least an hour. Well, three hours later, we left-- satisfied with the sun breaks and the giggles and good conversation.  Being outdoors is good for the soul.  Even better if there is a puddle to splash, rocks to toss into a lake, and dirt to spare.  Later, while it was still not raining, we played outside in the garden beds. 

One of Evelyn's favorite past times is digging.  She digs with a real sense of purpose.  "I'm doing my work right now," she tells me.  Often, the dirt is transferred from the earth into a blue tin pail and then back again.  Sometimes it is scattered about the back deck or the sidewalk.  It always finds its way underneath Evelyn's fingernails and forms a little smear across one of her cheeks or her forehead as she wipes wisps of hair away from her face. 

Today, Henry decided to embrace the goodness of this dirt.  Dressed warmly in a hand-me-down fleece suit, he took about seven steps with an outdoor push toy before dropping to his knees and crawling with a vengeance toward the nearest garden bed.  He squished and smooshed the soil in his chubby little land and looked thoroughly pleased with himself.  He tasted the dirt and protested as I fished it back out of his mouth.  I sat on the grass next to him and we tickled our hands with blades of grass.  I took pine cone after stick after pine cone out of his mouth.  How can we possibly know what something is without tasting it?   Henry's eyes asked.  All the while, Evelyn dug little holes and trenches among the lilacs and roses.  It was quite a lovely way to pass the afternoon really.  By the time we went inside to wash our hands and begin dinner, Henry and Evelyn were both noticeably content, relaxed even.  And, they were covered in dirt.

The Sweetest Word

With arms reaching up, Henry said "Ma ma."  Twice.  My heart melted and I scooped him up and shouted to Chris.  You see, I have been asking Henry to say "Mama" since the day he was born.  He's been saying "Dada" for months. 

Protecting our Kids

My little girl is going to have a scar.  It will be on her face, above the the sweetly arched eyebrows and big blue eyes.  Hopefully, with time it will fade.  We'll keep it out of the sun as best we can.  Still, I hate that it is there and I am helpless. 

Evelyn tripped into our Radio Flyer wagon over the weekend and when she screamed I felt it in my gut that something was wrong.  I watched her as she ran in bright yellow boots across the grass.  I saw her as she fell but I couldn't protect her.  When I scooped her up into my arms and carried her in the house, I was shaking.  I'd never seen a deep laceration in person before.  My husband, who is one of three boys, assured me that he'd seen worse.  Still, my baby is two years old and it looked like she missing part of her forehead.  It was upsetting.

The cut has been stitched and the doctor has told us that it is healing nicely.  I'm keeping it covered by a bandage.  It is hard to look at, to be honest, and so it remains covered.  For now, at least I can protect her from unwanted comments or questions.  Evelyn is quite mature, socially, and she is incredibly perceptive.  She is also brave (she held completely still while the doctor "fixed" her boo-boo in the Emergency Room) and confident and I know that this scar won't hold her back.  Hopefully it will heal quickly.

Something Right

My cold has become a wicked sore throat and it's certainly outlasted its welcome.  Unfortunately, this leaves me with less energy and less patience than I usually need for our day-to-day routines and activites.  After our walk around the neighborhood and some play time in the back yard this morning, we came into the kitchen for snack.  Evelyn had a small homemade brownie and some milk while Henry fussed in my arms.  He was ready for his afternoon nap.  I decided to grab a quick lunch for myself while Evelyn finished her snack, but Henry's flailing arms nixed that idea.  My rice crackers (an entire package) landed all over the kitchen floor.

Usually, I stay calm and pretty positive in the midst of accidents like this.  This time, however, I said "Oh no!" without thinking.  Evelyn must have decided that I looked pretty distraught.  She said "It's OK, Mom.  I'll help you clean it up.  It's just an accident.  Sometimes people spill crackers.  It's OK."  She hopped down from her chair and began scooping up crackers.  We swept the floor together.  Her compassion totally made me feel better.  It was nice to have some help.  It was also just so validating to see that Chris and I must be doing something right to be raising such a considerate and thoughtful daughter (most of the time, that is).

Mum's the Word?

Mothering two children has been a daily, sometimes hourly, exercise in humility.  Babies (and toddlers, for that matter) don't care what kind of education or non parenting-specific skills you have (unless said skills can be used to make them laugh and/ or create something they will enjoy).  If my children were to list my qualifications, I am pretty sure that they would look like this:

Evelyn:  Mom can sing, dance, "Mamanurse," and build great obstacle courses.  She seems pretty good at makeup and hair since she spends forever (15-20 minutes, easily!) doing this in the morning.  She knows how to reach things and she is strong enough to drag a chair over to the counter so that I can cook.  She can also work the stove and oven all by herself.  She reads to me and can play dollhouse like nobody's business! 

Henry:  Milk!  Smiles, tickles, and cuddles.  This lady rescues me all the time when I start to cry or get hurt on the floor.  She seems to have an anti-exploratory agenda-- Mama comes to get me every single time I find something interesting like dryer lint or chalk or a muddy boot to suck on.  Still, she's pretty great!

Now, my oldest child is still under three years old.  Essentially, I am a not-quite three- years-old mother.  This fact has been weighing on my mind lately when I consider writing about something.  I sometimes wonder, who am I to encourage co-sleeping or child-led weaning?  I am one woman.  I can share only my experiences and hope that they might prove interesting, amusing, or-- just maybe-- helpful to others.  I have not written expressly about "AP" ideas lately, but I think that the next time the mood strikes me, I'll just go for it and hope for the best.

Trinkets

Evelyn had a very successful third dentist appointment this afternoon.  We have a really great pediatric dentist practice in town and they're super patient and kid-friendly.  Naturally then, Evelyn was all smiles when she returned home with Daddy.  She emerged from the van triumphantly, purple pencil case in hand. 

When Evelyn came inside the house, she promptly dumped the contents of the case onto the dining room carpet so that I could marvel at the treasures:  a gold coin, a teeny-tiny turtle that expands slowly in water, stickers, two tooth brushes, flossers, and a toothbrush cap.  Henry was beside himself trying to get his hands on the choking hazards.

Evelyn brought her goods to higher ground-- the dining room table-- and decided to submerge the turtle in water.  Fun water play ensued and, before we knew it, the table had transformed into a puddle.  We pulled a chair up to the kitchen sink so that Evelyn could keep playing.  Unfortunately, this is where our tale took a turn for the worse.  The turtle disappeared.  It was not in Henry's mouth-- he was safely in his highchair and munching on avocado pieces.  We asked Evelyn what happened and she wailed dramatically, "The turtle is gone!  We'll never get it back!"  I asked again, and she revealed that the little guy had gone down the sink.  Splendid.  Chris turned off the water, opened up a pipe under the sink and rescued the turtle. Phew!

Daddy looks for signs of Evelyn's treasure

Safe, at last! 

Memories and Keepsakes

I just ordered a photo book for Henry.  It took me fourteen months to create a comprehensive collection of special pictures for Evelyn, but I realized that this time around, I probably won't have blocks of two hours at a time to work on something like that.  I had some time this morning while the kids played (mostly together) and then again while Henry nursed and napped, so I decided to seize the moment.  This book is about twenty pages, but covers birth, professional newborn shots, and the few baptism pictures that remained after my laptop's harddrive crashed (for the second time!  Back up those precious memories, folks!).  I think it will be beautiful.

Keepsakes and mementos are important to me.  I keep handwritten baby books for each child in addition to the bound photo books.  Right now, my plan is to create one photo book (and order two or three copies, so that each child can have a copy to keep) with memories every year or two as a way to document their development and whatever fun things we do as a family: travels, vacations, holidays, and the like.  Digital cameras and online photosharing make it so simple to snap an adorable shot and send it to dozens (or hundreds) of friends, but I am not convinced that this is the best method to preserve photos for the next generation.  I'll have to keep thinking about that.  

baby Evelyn Spring 2009

And the Honor Goes To. . .

The first real name Evelyn has chosen for a stuffed animal (other than "Whitey" and "Blackey") goes to the strongest personality at our Toddler Group.  I involuntarily flinch a little when I see him coming because he's a rough-and-tumble tot who seems to need to push boundaries and test limits and occasionally just run head-on into other children to see what happens.  Well, his actions have gotten the attention of the other kids.  Evelyn, in particular.  She engaged him in some ring-around-the-rosie and a rousing game of chase.  They were laughing and having a good time.  By the end of our class, Evelyn had declared that he was her best friend.  Granted, almost any of her friends count as "best friends" right now, but she was pretty clear that she liked this boy.