Nothing beckons "helpful hints" and tips from family, friends, and even strangers like pregnancy and childbirth. Pregnant women and new mothers are in transition. We often think, read, and talk a lot about the ways in which their worlds are changing. This information-seeking and dialoguing is one very common way to prepare for the life-changing process of adding another human being to the world. I received great advice from time to time and I still appreciate it. Still, the best "advice" was actually what I gleaned through observation. The happiest and healthiest babies and Moms I saw while caring for children were those who were in sync. Breastfeeding, responding to their babies' cries, and cosleeping were very often the common denominators. I read every book and article that spoke to me and I kept my eyes open. I feel comfortable with where this has led me.
When advice is so abundant that it seems to seep out of the woodwork, however, we're left to sift through and discern whether or not to file it away for later. And, in the event of blatant bad advice, we can't always keep those pesky words at bay in the middle of the night when we're worrying that we've made a wrong turn somewhere along the way.
Once the baby has arrived, some people may find it near impossible to keep mum if you do things differently from them. Many mothers have found the "Pass the Bean Dip" strategy to be invaluable. Basically, you remain positive while standing your ground (don't defend yourself, justify your actions as a parent, etc) and change the subject or move the conversation along. For instance, if a relative or friend (or neighbor or coworker, etc) asks something like "Is she a good baby? Does she sleep through the night for you?" you just smile and say "She's a wonderful baby! Thanks, please pass the bean dip." In this example, I may initially feel that I need to explain why we're not sleep-training, but an explanation opens the conversation to debate. If pressed, you remain positive but firm. There is no need to defend your infant or yourself. A simple "I know that you love us. This (nursing, cosleeping, not spanking, etc) works for our family and it's not up for debate" will do. Be brave. I'm still working on that part.
I like this strategy. I've often told people, "I know my baby," when I've been pressed to do something that goes against my own instincts and plans. It usually shuts down the conversation.
ReplyDelete