I've come to realize (again-- it seems I have the same epiphany over and over again) that I just cannot be everything to everyone and that it is OK. If I am to maintain some semblance of peace and joy in my life and in my house, I can't say "yes" to every event invitation, volunteer opportunity, or even casual get-together. Sometimes we need a little down-time. Believe me, we often do need some social activities, but lately we've had plenty!
Thankfully, my dear sister was willing to listen to me as I worked through some anxieties and frustrations (Am I the best mother I can be? Am I achieving enough?) I suppose it really doesn't help that, had I followed the graduate school path immediately following college, this year might have been the year I'd look forward to tacking three letters onto my name. My sister helped provide some much-needed outside perspective though. She helped me remember that my babies are only these ages, with these specific (and highly physical) needs for a relatively short time. I don't need to strive for perfection every day. Sometimes contented survival is good enough. And, sometimes good enough really is enough.
There are some fabulous friends I've made in the Pacific Northwest that I haven't been able to see for some time because of the fluctuating newborn-toddler routines and needs. I hope this will begin to change in the coming month or so, as I've been getting a better handle on the routines that best serve the needs of our whole family. I also have a number of projects I've been meaning to complete. I think if I can wrap my head around the word "no"-- as in, "no, I won't be able to help organize this huge event/ host a shindig/ drive an hour and a half with a crying newborn"-- we will all be in better shape.
I think everything will settle into a routine for you soon enough. I am dealing with the same sorts of things. With Alice in preschool, Molly needing her afternoon nap, and Jane being so little, I'm having trouble getting out of the house. I remember feeling a little trapped when Molly was a baby, but it got easier once her schedule was a little more predictable. Once she was down to one nap, it was even better.
ReplyDeleteYou could always go to graduate school if you want to do this eventually. My sister started medical school when her youngest was two or three and she was 26, I believe. She started preparing for the application process soon after her 2nd child was born.
I agree with your sister. Your babies will only be babies for a very short amount of time. I keep thinking about how independent Alice is ... and she's not even four yet.
We miss you too. Moira has been playing with Evelyn lately, which is very cute, but I know she'd like to see friends soon.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are trying to take time for your own piece of mind. I know you've been enjoying your visits with family, and I hope you have a great trip back east, if we don't see you before then.
Thanks, Shannon! And, actually we ended up needing to cancel our trip. We are planning to make it out in the spring, it was much too much right now for me to handle.
ReplyDeleteHow impressive that your sister was able to start medical school with kids, Amanda! I think in a year or two I might be in better shape to re-assess grad school.
ReplyDeleteWe're really looking forward to seeing you all on Wednesday, but feel free to cancel or reschedule if you think you need more down time at home! We're excited to see friends tomorrow at toddler group :-)
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