I consider myself an attached parent. My husband would say the same, though fathers don't seem to get the same kind of flack for their parenting choices. So, I'll focus on motherhood here. Sometimes I wonder if the best image for motherhood would be a lovely pastoral scene with little flowers here and there. Mother and child walk along peacefully and BAM! -- a flower explodes because Mama Dear unknowingly took a wrong step. Suddenly, Mama's confidence is undermined. To a lesser-- though sometimes greater-- extent, criticisms and inquiries regarding one's parenting choices are much like my flower. Comments are made with "the best of intentions" and wrapped (though not always) in a smile. We are all guilty of sharing unwanted or unsolicited advice. Most of it is probably harmless, and most of it is probably well-meaning. Yet, the reality is, there is a ton of unsolicited advice, waiting to jump from the tips of tongues so as to permeate playgrounds (and classrooms and offices and . . . ).
There are a myriad of (conflicting) opinions. These opinions are especially difficult to tune out when sleep-deprivation is an issue (and if you are a parent of a small child(ren), it's going to be an issue sometimes). Sometimes the voices come from outside the mainstream: Do you practice attachment parenting? You're not wearing your baby often enough! You're not nursing long enough! Do you try your best limit your child's exposure to pesticides, hormones, and antibiotics in food? Why on earth is your kid taking a bite of a "conventional" grape? Co-sleeping? You're not remaining true to the notions of sleep-sharing unless your child implements her own plan for solitary sleep!
If you don't fit the mainstream, there are even more people who are only too glad to tell you what you're doing is wrong. Why is your child still rear-facing in the car seat? You're still nursing? You are delaying vaccines? You're not vaccinating at all? Your kiddo has never had a Happy Meal? Your (insert age here) month-old is not sleeping "through the night?"
Either way, feeling some kind of outside pressure in parenting is an occupational hazard, even when you know you have intentionally come to a decision that is best for your family (and I do think that the whole family should be taken into account, not just the child). I embrace the concepts of Attachment Parenting because I believe that they make the most sense. I do not, however, believe that it is necessary to turn concepts into some kind of holy law that must be obeyed or else my very Motherhood will be repealed. I'll quote Dr. Sears here, "if you resent it, change it!" Attachment Parenting is not martyr parenting. It is responsive, it is thoughtful, and above all, it is respectful. What better way is there to raise respectful, thoughtful children than to model these behaviors for them and treat all people -- friends and strangers alike-- with respect and dignity.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Time to get a few things off of my chest
Confessions. Regrets. Worries. I'm tired of lugging them around with me. (Of course, I will not detail anything that could wreak personal havoc on my family or friends, so the real heavies are remaining in the pressure-cooker that is my mind.)
1. I often feel guilty that I am not currently using my degree in a professional capacity. Both of my parents worked (and still work) very hard and as a young child, I watched my mother go to school full-time after my parents divorced. As a result of my own young experiences, I sometimes feel that I am in a vulnerable economic position because I am not earning a salary.
2. I really regret not purchasing a hard copy CD of our wedding website. I worked hard to create the website and it turned out beautifully. Unfortunately, I could barely afford the $60 to register the site to begin with and I could not pay any additional money for the CD. In hindsight, I should have asked my then-fiance as I'm sure he would have been happy to help with that, but I felt that he was already contributing a lot.
3. I had so many emotional responsibilities, unspoken and otherwise, as a kid and as a teenager that I could not wait for the freedom of college. By the time I graduated from college, I had finally found the ability to be my authentic self. This is probably the reason that I hadn't had a true best friend until college. We now live on opposite coasts but I am still so thankful for her friendship.
And, on a lighter note:
4. I totally wanted to jump in them foam pit when I took my toddler to gymnastics drop-in class. It looked like so much fun!
5. When I have an audience of one (Evelyn), I sing and make up silly lyrics and dance moves almost all day long. We both enjoy it, usually. (Sometimes, she looks at me like I am nuts)
6. Why, oh why did I misplace that energy star rebate form for our new washer and dryer???
7. To the tree man who knocked on my door last night, I have no intention of hiring your crew to do our tree work. I just wanted to get you off of my porch.
1. I often feel guilty that I am not currently using my degree in a professional capacity. Both of my parents worked (and still work) very hard and as a young child, I watched my mother go to school full-time after my parents divorced. As a result of my own young experiences, I sometimes feel that I am in a vulnerable economic position because I am not earning a salary.
2. I really regret not purchasing a hard copy CD of our wedding website. I worked hard to create the website and it turned out beautifully. Unfortunately, I could barely afford the $60 to register the site to begin with and I could not pay any additional money for the CD. In hindsight, I should have asked my then-fiance as I'm sure he would have been happy to help with that, but I felt that he was already contributing a lot.
3. I had so many emotional responsibilities, unspoken and otherwise, as a kid and as a teenager that I could not wait for the freedom of college. By the time I graduated from college, I had finally found the ability to be my authentic self. This is probably the reason that I hadn't had a true best friend until college. We now live on opposite coasts but I am still so thankful for her friendship.
And, on a lighter note:
4. I totally wanted to jump in them foam pit when I took my toddler to gymnastics drop-in class. It looked like so much fun!
5. When I have an audience of one (Evelyn), I sing and make up silly lyrics and dance moves almost all day long. We both enjoy it, usually. (Sometimes, she looks at me like I am nuts)
6. Why, oh why did I misplace that energy star rebate form for our new washer and dryer???
7. To the tree man who knocked on my door last night, I have no intention of hiring your crew to do our tree work. I just wanted to get you off of my porch.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Dear Evelyn:
Please stop growing up so fast. This morning you put your socks and shoes on all by yourself and then announced that it was time to go outside. On walks, you no longer like to sit in the stroller or in the sling; you prefer to walk on the sidewalk by yourself. You sit up in the big girl chair and drink from glasses, not sippy cups. There is no rush, little one.
Love,
Mama
Love,
Mama
Thursday, January 28, 2010
These Are a Few of Her Favorite Things
Are you humming the tune to Julie Andrews' "My Favorite Things?" I am! Here are just a few of the things Evelyn is enjoying lately:
"The Wheels on the Bus"
I must get video of Evelyn singing this song. She does a great job going through the wipers ("swish swish swish"), baby, mama, horn, doors, wheels, daddy, and big sister on the bus (we made that one up) but the part that just kills me is when she sings "All through a toooowwwwn!" We talked to my Mom via video chat this afternoon and Evelyn proudly sang this song for Grandma, along with "Lollipop" by the Chordettes. Classic!
"Old MacDonald"
Same deal, it is adorable to hear her sing along or to hear "Eva do it" (what she says when she wants Mama to be quiet and give her a turn).
Stamps
Hats &
Tucking into bed (here is a two-in-one shot)
Bean Sensory Box
"The Wheels on the Bus"
I must get video of Evelyn singing this song. She does a great job going through the wipers ("swish swish swish"), baby, mama, horn, doors, wheels, daddy, and big sister on the bus (we made that one up) but the part that just kills me is when she sings "All through a toooowwwwn!" We talked to my Mom via video chat this afternoon and Evelyn proudly sang this song for Grandma, along with "Lollipop" by the Chordettes. Classic!
"Old MacDonald"
Same deal, it is adorable to hear her sing along or to hear "Eva do it" (what she says when she wants Mama to be quiet and give her a turn).
Stamps
Hats &
Tucking into bed (here is a two-in-one shot)
Bean Sensory Box
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Names, names, names
We put a lot of thought into choosing a name for Evelyn. There are plenty of lovely names out there in the world and we sifted through until we found the right fit. In our search for the right name, I realized that it was much easier to rule out groups of names than to say definitively what it was I actually liked. I prefer names that are either clearly feminine or masculine rather than androgynous ones. I wanted to stay away from names of my own generation-- it is way too soon for the names to have become a classic and they are too old to sound fresh. I don't care for names that are riding high on the waves of current trends. I didn't want a name with a negative meaning behind it. (It will only require minimal digging to unearth the popular name that means "bitter")
What do I like? Names that are pleasing to the ear. This may sound odd, but hear me out. Some names come tripping off of the tongue while others are just naturally easier to pronounce. A case in point: Gertrude (no offense to my late Great Grandmother). I like traditional spellings-- no need for a superfluous "e" or "y," especially when it will only give your child the lifelong "gift" of spelling out his or her name every time someone needs identification information (read: regularly!). In the end, I like the name Evelyn and I like the name we chose for her middle name (a family name). We made a decision that worked for us and we are happy with it. Now that we are choosing a sibling name for Evelyn, though, it seems that our work is a bit harder. We need a name that fits our criteria (a classic name, fairly traditional but not trendy or overly-popular, non-androgynous-- for lack of better term) and that relates well to the name Evelyn. Because honestly, I just don't understand why parents sometimes give one child an Italian name, another child, a name they've invented, and another a traditional English name. I like a sense of cohesion.
There is a nifty website that suggests sibling names, but I'm not sold on the sister suggestions for Evelyn. If we have a son, I think we'll have an easier time because we do have a short list of favorites (kept under lock and key! We're not sharing any names until Baby is born. . . there are too many strong opinions flying around and I really don't need to know that you once dated someone with the name we love and, wow, was that person a dud). The real reason it is so hard to think of a girl's name, I think, is that we already encountered plenty of names we liked but inevitably crossed them off the list and went with the name Evelyn. And if this baby is a girl, she deserves more than a scrap-pile name. One of the best pieces of naming-advice I've received is to shout a name out the back door, as though you're calling your child in for dinner. I also think it helps to write it down, whisper it, and imagine meeting a successful entrepreneur with that name; does the name work?
What do I like? Names that are pleasing to the ear. This may sound odd, but hear me out. Some names come tripping off of the tongue while others are just naturally easier to pronounce. A case in point: Gertrude (no offense to my late Great Grandmother). I like traditional spellings-- no need for a superfluous "e" or "y," especially when it will only give your child the lifelong "gift" of spelling out his or her name every time someone needs identification information (read: regularly!). In the end, I like the name Evelyn and I like the name we chose for her middle name (a family name). We made a decision that worked for us and we are happy with it. Now that we are choosing a sibling name for Evelyn, though, it seems that our work is a bit harder. We need a name that fits our criteria (a classic name, fairly traditional but not trendy or overly-popular, non-androgynous-- for lack of better term) and that relates well to the name Evelyn. Because honestly, I just don't understand why parents sometimes give one child an Italian name, another child, a name they've invented, and another a traditional English name. I like a sense of cohesion.
There is a nifty website that suggests sibling names, but I'm not sold on the sister suggestions for Evelyn. If we have a son, I think we'll have an easier time because we do have a short list of favorites (kept under lock and key! We're not sharing any names until Baby is born. . . there are too many strong opinions flying around and I really don't need to know that you once dated someone with the name we love and, wow, was that person a dud). The real reason it is so hard to think of a girl's name, I think, is that we already encountered plenty of names we liked but inevitably crossed them off the list and went with the name Evelyn. And if this baby is a girl, she deserves more than a scrap-pile name. One of the best pieces of naming-advice I've received is to shout a name out the back door, as though you're calling your child in for dinner. I also think it helps to write it down, whisper it, and imagine meeting a successful entrepreneur with that name; does the name work?
Friday, January 22, 2010
Mild Winter, how I love thee!
It is 48 degrees and mostly sunny. Green daffodil leaves are starting to spring up in garden beds and some of our vines and plants budding. In Evelyn's book though, it is still perfectly acceptable to wear snow boots and a ski jacket outside. In her defense, she did grab a sun hat.
The mild weather has drawn us outdoors almost every day this week and one of the major results of our time in our yard and out in our neighborhood has been the firming up of landscape architecture plans for our outdoor space. I should add as a disclaimer that I have no real training in landscape architecture but I do have a bit of the theoretical and historical background under my belt (thanks to an elective I took during school).
I like to imagine that I can come up with some practical use for this information. Enter: the wooded area in our backyard.
I'd like to clean up the pile of paving stones left behind by the previous owners, dig out the poison ivy that has engulfed the base of the stone bird bath and replant much of the area with native ferns and some small boulders or large rocks to sort of anchor the space. We also need to find a way to remove a downed tree trunk that visually bisects our yard. Our property extends a good twenty feet beyond it and we'd like to take advantage of the area! Next on the list is the "rock river" which the previous owners found aesthetically appealing.
My plan is to remove any rocks we would like to use in other parts of the yard or in our gardens; we'll add clean fill and grass seed to the "river" this Spring.It does not serve a drainage purpose and it takes up prime grass real estate. We have a little one who loves to run around and play in the backyard, so we'd like to open it up as much as possible. All of this sounds quite simple, but I can't do much heavy lifting while pregnant. Perhaps I'll put Evie on a weight-lifting regimen to get her in shape for the yard work? Oh well, we'll work it out. I am looking forward to a slightly more structured "after" shot of the wooded area. Stay tuned.
The mild weather has drawn us outdoors almost every day this week and one of the major results of our time in our yard and out in our neighborhood has been the firming up of landscape architecture plans for our outdoor space. I should add as a disclaimer that I have no real training in landscape architecture but I do have a bit of the theoretical and historical background under my belt (thanks to an elective I took during school).
I like to imagine that I can come up with some practical use for this information. Enter: the wooded area in our backyard.
I'd like to clean up the pile of paving stones left behind by the previous owners, dig out the poison ivy that has engulfed the base of the stone bird bath and replant much of the area with native ferns and some small boulders or large rocks to sort of anchor the space. We also need to find a way to remove a downed tree trunk that visually bisects our yard. Our property extends a good twenty feet beyond it and we'd like to take advantage of the area! Next on the list is the "rock river" which the previous owners found aesthetically appealing.
My plan is to remove any rocks we would like to use in other parts of the yard or in our gardens; we'll add clean fill and grass seed to the "river" this Spring.It does not serve a drainage purpose and it takes up prime grass real estate. We have a little one who loves to run around and play in the backyard, so we'd like to open it up as much as possible. All of this sounds quite simple, but I can't do much heavy lifting while pregnant. Perhaps I'll put Evie on a weight-lifting regimen to get her in shape for the yard work? Oh well, we'll work it out. I am looking forward to a slightly more structured "after" shot of the wooded area. Stay tuned.
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